A post I wish I didn’t have to write

My reasons for starting The Imperfect Mum was because I felt there was a need for a place safe place where Mums could talk, engage and relate to the imperfectness of motherhood without the fear of judgment.  My wish has come true and I have had the blessing of such a beautiful community of Imperfect Mum’s -  judgment free and so supportive.
We have openly talked about mental health and I know this has opened up varying degrees of conversations including people mentioning life threatening situations and the thought of taking their own life.
I think it’s critical that this forum not stifle discussion on the stresses of parenting or mental health issues, however this forum is not equipped to provide counselling or advice for those thinking about taking their own life or any other extreme life threatening situations.  The best and most appropriate help this forum can give is to advise people in this situation to contact professional help.  If you are a person supporting someone who you are worried about there are contacts you can make to support what to do next.
I have been very concerned about writing this post because I do not want to come across uncaring but the reason I was compelled to write is because I do care. I really do. And that is why I think the professional realm is better – it is not safe to try to counsel people in relation to suicide or life threatening situations as we are not professionals.
I want to thank you all for your understanding.  I am so blessed with all of the beautiful women on here.  I have made some beautiful friends and I really do appreciate all of you! {{ BIG HUGS}}
I have included below the best numbers and websites to go if you are in a life threatening situation or if suicide is becoming a constant thought:
National Emergency number: 000
1800 RUOKDAY (1800 7865 329)
This number connects you to six of Australia’s crisis and information lines: Lifeline, Suicide Call Call Back Service, MensLine Australia, Kids Helpline, SANE Australia helpline and BeyondBlue Info Line.
It is a free call from any landline in Australia.
If you are calling from a mobile phone, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 to connect to 24/7 phone counselling for free.

Lifeline 24/7 telephone counselling service: 13 11 14  www.lifeline.org.au

Suicide Call
Back Service 24/7 telephone counselling for people at risk of suicide, carers and bereaved 1300 659 467 http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au Thanks Gemma from My Big Nutshell, Nathalie from Easy Peasy Kids and Chelle from Getting Sorted Each day as It Comes Thanks Girls for supporting me on this journey and I appreciate your advice.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression

20 Replies


Great post my friend, love the network of mothers you have created through your blog and facebook page. I love that you are trying to help them get the best advice that they can, seeking professional help is so important in these type of situations. Thanks for being brave and putting it out there. N x

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Darlin - I appreciate your beautiful kind words!! XX

[email protected] LIfe Love and Hiccups

You are an amazing person Kristy and the people on your site are the most fabulous community. I think you have soooo done the right thing here and it shows that you really do care! xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Ohh that warms my heart- thank you Sonia!!


A very important post Kristy! You are such an amazing and supportive lady xxxxx

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thankyou Darlin - thanks so much for sharing!! XXX


You never cease to inspire me, my friend. The Imperfect Mum community and forum is such an important network. I appalled your efforts to keep it safe.

Glad I've been able to help in such a small way. Always here for you xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thanks Miss G your so beautiful!! - I am very lucky to call you a friend even though we haven't met IRL I feel like I have known you forever.. Your such a champ!! - Thanks for all the help and support!!


i think u have done the right thing in announcing these important HELP INFORMATION WEB SITES N NUMBERS.. as it is a mental health condition forgotten to easierly, BY MOST OF US..THANKS KRISTY

The Imperfect Mum

Thank You XX

Mrs Woog

A real friend helps those suffering get the proper help they need x

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Darl X

Melissa M

Kristy, I don't think you could ever come accross as uncaring - not even if you tried!! I love your creation and think it is a great forum from every angle (Mental health, motherhood, being a women today), your a very special person to facilitate such a great resource - Im so proud to know you!

The Imperfect Mum

Ohh that just made me feel a bit teary what lovely words XX

kirri white

Kristy...This is an important post for you and the sharing, caring community you have helped create. A few years ago, I was trying to support someone on a forum for depression..it was the middle of the night, things escalated and that person tried to take their own life. He contacted me months later and all worked out fine but the stress and responsibility I felt at the time was HUGE.

I have felt concern over some of the comments on your page - concern not just for the women who are desperate for help, but for you...It's not your responsibility to shoulder alone and setting appropriate guidelines etc is crucial, for everyone. Much love, K x

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Kirri - Thank you my darling friend! Yes it has lead to much tension within me.. I am thankful for your words it makes makes me feel like I have made the right decision.. Thanks beautiful!!XX


Kristy, I happened upon your site at recently around the time when one such post appeared, and I know the anxciety it caused me until I knew the outcome was OK. I understand that people post on your site as it is a safe place for them, and you should feel proud that you have created such a space, but you should not feel like you are letting anyone down by your post today.....seeking professional advise is crucial for these woman....of course you still care, but you cannot carry the burden of a positive outcome for everyone...you do not deserve to feel that sence of helplessness....you do a wonderful job with the space and advice you give, but there are things that should always be handled by the professionals.... Thank you Kristy,,,,you should feel a sence of peace and calm from what you do here...its a wonderful thing...x

Fiona @ My Mummy Daze

Of course everyone understands this post, Kristy. Sadly we can't help everyone. I agree that pointing vulnerable women in the direction of professional counselors and/or the authorities is the most responsible thing to do. Might I add that you've created a beautiful community that you should be extremely proud of. You're amazing xxx

Seana Smith

Hello, an important post. There is help out there for people in critical situations, good to point them to that.
Maybe you could also add the PANDA helpline, 1300 723 306, open Monday to Friday 9am - 7pm. www.panda.org.au PANDA is the Post and Antenatal Depression Association and the peer support they offer is terrific for mums and dads.


A very important message - hard to write indeed.