Has a friend ever broken your heart?

I remember coming home from school.  I must have been about “8″ maybe.  My heart was broken.  I had just had a fight with a friend,  she had moved on,  she didn’t need me any more.  I was completely shattered.

I remember looking up to my mum, with tears in my eyes.  She bent down and said.  ”Kristy you will only ever have 5 friends” in your life, as in ‘real’ ones.  Your heart will break many times, this is life”.

She then went on to explain it in a deeper scale.  I can’t recall exactly what she said.  But that moment has stuck with me for ever.  And I have come to terms with the fact, that she was soooo right.

Maybe I have a couple more than that.  But I completly “get” what she was saying.  And that’s ok.  I believe  people come into your life for certain “reasons” as in they are their for a purpose and once you have learned what you need too,  they are gone..

I don’t look back on those relationships that have gone and feel sad we are still ‘friends’ just not real ones..

THE BEST time to find out who your real ones are, is when you completely fuck up or your life goes to shit and they’re are still by your side, rubbing your back and saying “you know what, things will be ok!

I  have had many different friends through different stages in my life.  The only ones that I have found to be terribly toxic and heartbreaking are the people that use you as a step, i.e the  ”social climber ones” .. hmmm I think we have all encountered those people.

If you haven’t yet, you will!.   I guarantee it! As soon as you get that feeling that they maybe the case – Stay the hell away! – They are only there for one reason, and one reason only. – Rant over.. sorry…. back to the story..

A few times in my life when I have really have had no-one, as in, no-one “near by”   For various reasons, people moving away.. social situations changing… having kids.. relationships fizzing out.. They were  lonely times.  Althoughthose were the times when I have grown the most.. Made me who I am today.  I wouldn’t change those times  for a moment. ”

The reason for this post is that I want people to know the truth.  Look, please don’t get me wrong I have been blessed with some very deep and rich friendships and I thank god for that.  But one thing I think is important, is to bear in mind the fact that people may come and go.

Friendships do change but that is ok! – It’s ok to keep some forever and it’s ok to wave some goodbye.  It is essential  to know when to walk away, Don’t hold onto something that is dead or toxic it’s no good for all concerned.

Life is about learning lessons and sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones that break your heart.  Change you, make you grow more than you ever have.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage

14 Replies

Fiona @ my mummy daze

Oh Kristy. This is so true. I've let three friendships go because they became toxic. It's so hard to make that final decision though, as in the end you don't want to cause hurt to someone who has been a very valued part of your life. Much life gorgeous, Fi xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Yes, it's a very hard one. But you always feel the best when you finally say goodbye. It's always better than holding on to nothing huh!

Easy Peasy Kids

Like life where change is inevitable, we move on and make room for new and wonderful friendships on a deeper level Nx

The Imperfect Mum

My friendship with you is quite incredible really.. I feel so close to you Nat.. I am so blessed you came into my life! - Love YOU! X


You have no idea the timing of your story!! We live overseas and had to leave some good friends behind and I have struggled to make GOOD friends since being here (1 1/2 years now). I'm on the verge of giving up and telling my husband we're coming home. Don't get me wrong, I/we have friends just not those close friends I think we all long for. Such a good read, thanks Kristy!!

The Imperfect Mum

Glad to hear! - Tanya.. I hope it all works out for you.. They say finding new friends is like dating.. I would so agree! X

kirri white

My dad told me a very similar story when I was a kid and at the time I believe I snorted but it gets a little more complicated maintaining and gauging friendships as an adult for sure! Now I am learning when to hold on or try harder and when to just let go x

The Imperfect Mum

Yeah.. So true my love.. Very hard to know what is "real" and what is not.. It's a bit of a guessing game.. a bit of wait and see.. Love you Kirri X


Would love to meet some new mum's and start some new friendships. Putting it out there would anyone like to get to together for a coffee, wine, a chat?? Happy to be the organiser and get the ball rolling. If interested for those in the cairns area pls contact: [email protected]

Posie Patchwork

Oh so true!! You'd make a good Army wife, we're forever leaving wonderful friendships with neighbours & school mums, on the same page as us, but very realistic that some of the best friendships are situational & if your husband stays in long enough, you end up getting posted back to your friends eventually. I'm still best friends with my 3 year old preschool girlfriend, she'll never get rid of me!! Looking forward to my school reunion this year, all those gorgeous girls, will be fantastic. We've stayed in touch too, now high school made for amazing friendships, they just change with the level of intensity as time & distance comes between them, but reignite whenever i'm back in Sydney.
I'd like to think i've never had a friendship go sour, if it looked like that, it was either dying a natural death & we've moved on or i had the lucky chance to move before it got nasty, just faded amicably. Love Posie


Kristy, read the book. Memoirs of a suburban medium. She talks alot about this kind of thing and it helps to realize what I think you already have realized, friends are needed for specific times in life and they come and go. It's the true friends that you count on one hand that matter! Xx

Jacqui (CRAP Mamma)

I think you have a very realistic and rational way of looking at friendships and I think you mum is a smart woman.
I tend to believe people (even the toxic ones) come into our lives for a reason and sometimes it's just so we can learn from the experience (good or bad) of having that person as a 'friend'.

Michelle - MumSpeak

Great Post Kristy. You are beautiful as always.


I've kind of put off reading this post for a week or so as I've been struggling with the realisation that I need to face some truths in a relationship of mine. It's been without good boundaries for a while and now I'm suffering for it. So now it's time to make some changes and speak the truth in a loving way. Hard, but it's a good lesson learnt.