I'm in my early 30s. I'm married with 2 kids. I'm currently a SAHM and I'm struggling to find a job. We have been married for a long time and he is the only person I have ever been with. My issue is that for almost a year I have been constantly thinking about girls, not just sexually but I think I actually want to be in a relationship with a girl. I've often had feelings towards certain girls but always brushed them aside. But now it seems to be all I think about and it's kind of driving me crazy. I don't know what to do about it or if I should tell my husband. I also don't know how I could leave financially without a job. Has anyone been in this position and how did you handle it? Please be kind as my depression and anxiety around this situation is already pretty bad.
11 Replies
I wouldn’t leave your husband just yet.
Would it be possible to explore another woman while still with your husband? Would he be up for a threesome or something of the like so that you get to experience “something” with a woman.
I’d hate for you to leave a marriage for a woman without actually “knowing” if it’s a woman you want completely.
It might be something worth experiencing but then something you’re happy to put aside once experienced. Probably just curiosity.
I know 2 women who did this... On their hubby's suggestions too. Their marriages ended within weeks. Cheating is cheating. Whatever you tell yourself, sharing your person stabs you in the heart.
Good god. "you should have an affair to decide whether you want to be married to your husband or not". Brilliant morals.
Different commenter, but I believe the original commenter wasn’t suggesting an affair but more experiencing it within her marriag to see if it is what this woman actually wants.
This is something that should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship, before you even date. If this couple is monogamous now and hubby as not expressed being anything otherwise then I think it would be extremely dangerous territory to suggest this.
Exactly. So sweetheart, I think I would prefer women but I don't want to make a decision without testing the water first. Would you mind being in the room while I have sex with someone else to decide whether I should leave you?.... Yeah... That's not going to fly.
Yeah, I didn’t really think of it like that.
Seek some counseling so you can explore your thoughts vs your feelings. Separate them. Become objective. You have a lot of stress in your world at the moment. It may be a case of 'the grass is greener'. I have explored 'am I bi-sexual?' when single. Realised it was fun and adventurous but not for me. Not something I would have done in a relationship. Potential for permanant damage way too high.
You might be gay but you also might be bisexual. Sexuality isn’t a fixed thing, it can fluctuate, you might sometimes be more attracted to men other times to women.
I am a bisexual woman married to a bisexual man. We have a child together. We practice ethical non monogamy, meaning we are committed to each other but we also see other people romantically and sexually. In addition to my husband I have a boyfriend (that term seems so juevenile, we are both in our thirties. 😄) who I am in a romantic relationship with and I also regularly see a woman and another man in more of a friends with benefits situation. My husband also has a male friend with benefits. My point is, polyamory may be an option for you if you still love your husband and don’t want to end things with him. As long as everyone is open and honest it can work and work well! Best of luck to you.
Personally I think it is selfish to even consider leaving your husband to be with a woman. You married him for life, obviously unless there is a good reason to split like abuse etc. You wouldn't be so happy if roles were reversed! Plus you have kids, why break up a family on a maybe!
Great advice! 🤨 Yeah suck it up and be miserable. No one should split up from a partner unless they’re bashed black and blue... I bet then you’d blame her and tell her to stick it out ‘for the kids’.
Of course you wouldn’t be “happy” if the roles were reversed, but if you’re with someone who is miserable then I’d suggest you would want to split up, so the whole family have a chance of finding happinesss