I think I'm falling for my friend.
His been a mate for about 5 years. I meet him when I was with my ex. They were mates. My ex was a awful man. His also the dad to my 3 year old who his never meet. When I finally told my mate about my then partner he was furious. My ex beat me when I was pregnant and pretty much locked me in the house for a week with a gun sitting in the safe that he had the keys for. It was an awful time. This friend came to court with me and stood up in the stand. Even my best girlfriend didn't do that when she saw so much.
We always remained friends his always got mine and my daughters back. He hasn't spoken to my ex since.
Now 3 years on I'm single his single and his amazing. So good with my daughter. I find him attractive. His a man. Tall, thick set. But his covered head to toe in tattoos. I told my mum I'm having feelings for him. Instantly she asked me how i could bw attracted to someone like him. That I need someone to support me. Because she thinks someone in tattoos can't support me. But a man with out tattoo that ruined my soul can.. she said it says something about me too if I go out with someone like him. He has a good full time job owns his house car etc. So I don't see how he can't support me. (I don't need any of this I've always supported my self but I'm just saying this is what my mum thinks of) She's always about money not mental or wellbeing support. She misses the whole point of a relationship. Hence why hers fell appart. My dad was welthy and she didn't do anything to save the marriage just the money. I thought what a bitch. Now I'm stuck because having family approval in our family is a huge thing it's taken a huge toll on me and one other person my ex's and my sister and her partner.
But there is another problem his 17 years older than me.
But I can't help these feelings. He already makes me feel like a princess when we are just friends. His expressed his interested but at the time he was in the friend zone.
Is he to old? Do I worry about his tattoos? What do I try and explain to my mum if it does go somewhere? Or everyone else that me and my mate have fallen for each other.
Falling for my friend
Falling for my friend
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
20 Replies
I don't think whether someone has tattoos really matters. But why rely on someone to support you? Maybe do some training to improve your ability to support yourself? Government job seeking programs can make sure your resume is grammatically correct. If you like the guy go for it, but you sound very young so I'm thinking the 17 year age gap is probably going to be an issue in time.
The feminist in me cringed, “he has a good full time job, owns his house etc so I don’t see how he can’t support me”. Do you think it’s his job to support you?
Anyway aside from that, if you care about someone, who cares what others think, it’s your life, be happy and give it a go.
I'm don't consider myself a feminist and I cringed all through this post as well.
Umm... She actually says in the post that she supports herself. But that these are things her mother looks at.
Um “makes me feel like a princess”🤮
Her words
He will want to control her under the guise of love/support/protection
I'm an independent educated women. I have a bachelor's degree and I love that my husband looks after me and makes me feel loved.
Just because she likes to be treated well doesn't mean he wants to control her. It might mean he is a very nice man that likes to look after a girl..... This is not a bad thing.
Yes we can do it on our own.... but do we have to.... if we like having a man who makes us feel special or "like a princess" is that bad?
Everyone is so hyped up with feminism right now that even when a man is treating a women right they are accused of trying to control her.
Far out.
** To the poster.... Who cares if he has tattoos. Learn to love and care about yourself and your daughter and if you decide to take it further your man. Your mum either accepts it or moves on. Simple. Your life not hers. Age is just a number. Can't hurt giving it a go.
Just consider that you’re falling for him out of convenience or fantasy as opposed to actually liking this man. Are you prepared to lose a friendship for both you and your child should it not work out?
Looks aren’t everything and if you love someone you don’t need to explain your reasons for choosing to anyone including your mum.
I don’t agree with the above comments, I’m so anti feminist and still of the belief a man should support a woman and vice versa lol. But as long as you can support yourself along the way too and not relying on him. Should it turn sour that is.
Sounds messy. I do wonder if its a bad idea too. Maybe your mum isnt all about money, maybe it just seems wrong over all? And making things easier for you, not harder, needs to be important especially now you have a child. Does he really fit into your life? Your friendship circles or would it cut you off socially?
Just because her mother thinks it’s wrong doesn’t mean it is
No, normally I would say as long as its consensual make your own mistakes. But she seems young, comes from abuse, he was friends with that guy, he has helped her through that which puts the relationship way out of balance and hes much much older, and poster seems young and has a child and does need her family's approval. I see flags and MAYBE mum does too.
Perhaps my new advice is to take it very very slowly with him and make sure he measures up every step of the way. And be completely honest with your mum along the way. If you find you're having to lie or omit things in the early days to win mums approval, I think that says everything. And at the end of the day, you need your mum and family much more than you need to be cut off from them over a guy that doesn't measure up.
Yes!!!!
You’ve done some great things, taking your time before getting in another relationship etc.
Wether he has tattoos or is 17 years older, if he is the right guy shouldn’t matter and I’m concerned your so concerned about your mother’s opinion. As an adult you should be able to hear someone’s opinion, dissect it and disregard it if doesn’t reflect your own beliefs.
I’m also concerned about the aspect of ‘support’ you mean. Do you mean financially or do you mean emotionally. I would examine this aspect and if you haven’t look at if you are looking for someone ‘to look after you’ or will you be someone who looks after themselves but just wants someone who has your back.
I hope when you said he can support you, you meant mentally. Not financially. Because you should have realised by now, that you got this shit on your own. And the only reason you’d need a man is for the company and companionship. Don’t choose a man for his financial position, ever! You’ve been single for this long, you could continue if you don’t find the perfect person to DO life with.
The tattoos shouldn’t be an issue. A fair chunk of people these days are covered.
I don’t think his age is entirely an issue either but I’m wondering if that’s actually your mums issue and she in fact blamed the tattoos instead.
I think you could go for it if you’re doing it for all the right reasons. If your intentions are with his money and to support you through financially, then it won’t work or last.
Remember relationships are about a lot more then his house and car and physical appearance.
Maybe right up a list of pros and cons about dating him.
Would it be worth losing/ruining an amazing friendship if the relationship didn’t work?
I’ve been dating my partner for 7 years, before that we were best friends for 8. And I don’t ever regret it but we were at the point where our friendship was either more or nothing and that’s why we decided the take the leap. Our intentions where in the right place, and yours could be too. But just make sure you’re 100% sure
Stuff your mum! None of her bloody business. So what if there’s a 17 year ago gap? Love is love!
There’s 22 years between my boyfriend and I. His mum doesn’t approve either but oh well, we’re both adults. So are you.
Tattoos aren’t a terrible thing. It’s the person that matters, not what’s on their skin or the year they are born (provided over the age of consent obviously!)
Kind of sounds like he's been grooming you
Yes, I thoroughly agree!
I wouldn't use the word "groomed" but I find something really opportunistic and predatory about these men who swoop in to play the good guy and pursue vulnerable women who are coming straight out of abusive relationships.
OP. I think you are so conditioned to being treated like shit that the first guy who's come along and treated you with basic decency, you have 'fallen' for the idea of love rather than genuine feelings of attraction towards this guy.
I also think that you have developed a bit of a dependency for him and I think it's quite possible he knows that and is using it to his advantage.
What I believe you need to do is learn to support yourself (in every sense of the word) and you need to really reflect on your feelings because I think if you were genuinely having feelings for this guy, his tattoos, job, age, your mother's opinion etc wouldn't bother you.
Well said!!!
If I dated someone 17 years older then me, he’d be the same age as my mum and dad 😳
They were very young when they had but still, that’s a strange thought lol
I married my best friend. He was older then me. My loser Dad thought he was a loser. He’s literally healed my soul and we have a gorgeous daughter together and couldn’t be happier. Don’t get me wrong after 17 years we’ve certainly had our ups and downs but gosh I love that man more then the day I met him and I can’t imagine my life without him. Go for it! Don’t look back. The great thing about friendship first is when you hit the hard times you have a fantastic foundation to weather the storm.