So I wrote in a little while ago about my son being bullied and having a muddled up story not knowing if it was true. He's 7. Well recently a kid pulled his pants down. This definitely happened as others saw including adults. The child got in trouble. This kid is young about 7 as well. But my son told his teacher later it didn't happen and tried to denie it happened again when I talked to him. Now I'm worried what else might be happening to him that he's hiding. He's otherwise pretty happy. I told him he needs to tell me when things like that happen because no one should be touching him or pulling his clothes down like that. He says he knows that and he will tell me but this time he didn't. He often brings up the subject that no one is aloud to touch his privates like he's confirming that with me. How do I know something worse won't happen to him that he won't know how to tell anyone. If it's not already.
5 Replies
Seems hes scares of telling you and it does sound like youre very factual and headstrong and will take it all out of his hands which is super scary for him.
What you can do is assure him he can trust you to talk to.
You can talk about options. Ie say stop, walk away, ignore, choose other friends etc.
And also name 5 trusted people he can go to to talk to when he feels down or needs help with a problem. Not only yourself, give him choices and he will find the right one for the right situation.
Could be aunty uncle teacher coach friends mum etc.
Seems to me like he didn't want it to be dragged out. FYI, both my kids tell me all the time no-one is allowed to touch their bits and I have no concerns they have been abused... They're just repeating what they've learnt. I think you need to judge things by his general demeanour and listen. When my kids are really low and they tell me what is going on it's usually completely different to what I thought was wrong. I also agree with the answer below... He might want to talk to someone else other than you.
I tell him he has a safety network of people he can talk to all the time but he won't talk to anyone. As soon as he says something he doesn't want to do anything to stop it. I've tried giving him advice on how to stick up for himself and get help but it continues constantly. He doesn't like going to school.
Maybe get him counselling. It's OK if he doesn't want to do anything though. The best thing to do might just be to arrange some play dates with other kids so he's got a group of friends. That will help reduce him being targeted too
When he tells you, it doesnt have to be an instant fix/ instructions on how to stop it. Just listen. Support him. Ask him how it made him feel. Ask him what he did after that. Let him share the emotional load with you, but let him stay in control of the action taken. Then he will trust you and talk to you more.