How do I help my mum?

Anonymous

How do I help my mum?

My mother suffers from chronic pain and depression. She was my grandmothers carer until she died last year. Since then she has been living in a flat by herself. I know she’s in constant pain but she doesn’t take any painkillers, not even panadol; she doesn’t take her antidepressants; and she doesn’t do any type of exercise, not even a 10 minute walk around the block. She’s been to several doctors but she doesn’t do what they tell her anyway. I’ve had to distance myself from her because she wouldn’t do anything to help herself and the stress was affecting my health. I work full time and have my own young family to look after. She’s rung me before and asked me to ring her the next day to make sure she was alive and just now she rang me and said she was going to ring an ambulance and could I feed her fish. She couldn’t even tell me why she felt the need to call an ambulance. Just that she felt sick. Everyone in my family have tried to help her but nobody has any luck. I feel like she should be in care but the doctors can’t find anything that would qualify her for that and she’s only in her early 60’s anyway. I love her but how can I help her when she won’t help herself??

Update: She didn’t call the ambulance

Posted in:  Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression

5 Replies

Anonymous

People with mental health, that get too far untreated reach a point where they will never help themselves get treatment, it’s the nature of the beast. It’s not like a broken leg, where you logically get it treated, it’s the mind and it’s sick and they usually lack the insight into their own behaviour. You need to stand up, be her advocate, get her to a psychiatrist and get her the help she deserves. Caring for someone and then when they pass away can take away her purpose in life, her reason to keep it together and keep going. If she’s called an ambulance because she feel sick, great, she’s already in the hospital, now talk to the doctors about her mental health. The hardest part has been done, they can even put her under an order if she refuse treatment and wants to leave. This is the time, god has given you a gift, use it, help her, get in there and make it happen.

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Anonymous

Agree. Great idea to get into the hospital and let them know the extent of her issues.

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Anonymous

You can't. Only she can.

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Anonymous

Also unlikely to have a treatment authority in this circumstance, but ECT may be helpful and won't be considered if you don't explain the situation so attending and speaking directly with the psychiatrist or their registrar would be ideal

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Anonymous

I have chronic illness (not depression though) and it can be so isolating. This you tube channel and Facebook page has helped me manage https://www.youtube.com/user/TobyTVCFS
I also have people in my family with untreated mental health issues and it is very hard to help someone who doesn’t see the extent of their problem or won’t do what’s necessary to get well. If you have a good relationship then I would have a talk with her about the extent of her problem and what she needs to stabilise her chronic pain and manage her depression and go from there. It might mean you go along to some appointment to begin with. Do you have a mental health nurse in your area?I think hospital can make people with chronic pain a lot worse! But, you need help to help her as you said you work full time and have a family.

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