So I’m the one who’s little brother in law wants to be a drummer and not go to school
He doesn’t want to get a job in a shop or an apprenticeship we aren’t stopping him from leaving school if he does that
He doesn’t want to work with his hands he doesn’t like tradies says they’re always dirty, o guess cuz his brothers and myself are traded peoples
We’ve tried talking to the school for help they said he needs to buckle down, we took him to lots of careers days and fairs and all he wants to do is be a drummer in a band. If he had been playing the drums for longer then 3 months we could see this happening of him starting a band.
We looked at Tafe and visited a few but he doesn’t want to sit in a classroom at all or learn anything
7 Replies
Then his parents need to stop paying for the drum lessons. All he gets is food and a roof over his head. That’s it.
Is he autistic or adhd? That's very rigid and impulsive thinking. Personally I would tell my child that the lessons are dependent on graduating year 12 with grades that reflect his ability. Otherwise he can get a job and pay for them himself because that is what being a drummer will be like... Working elsewhere and getting a gig once a week if he's successful after a long time of begging for gigs once in a blue moon. #insight.
No he is neither of those
He is just very stubborn like all his siblings
Let him be stubborn then. Take away his privaledge
Tell his mum to sell his drum kit, stop all lessons and anything drum related and tell him until he continues his education she won't be paying for anything except his food and the only access he gets to internet/wifi is for school homework. Tell him if he doesn't like it he can leave the house and fend for himself. So many entitled kids these days that need a good lesson in hardship and the real world. If I had acted like that as a 15 yr old is have got my arse beat and that was 18 years ago. I'd beat my kids arses now if this was how they were behaving and they are autistic.
If he wants to do adult things like not go to school and start up a band then he needs to be treated like one. This involves all the responsibilities that come with being one, having an income of sorts, paying your way food board etc, chores and the like etc. He needs to know what it is like in the real world and no it's not all fun and games and having everything provided for you (and it takes hard work and persistence to establish a band/play in one).
I know this sounds harsh but otherwise it sets him up to fail, and also enables him which is not great for later in life.
This comes from someone who has an ex partner whose life has been the same. No expectations to be a contributing member or society and thinks he is automatically entitled to things without having to work for them (if only I realised this before) . Consequently he is 41 is a crap father, unemployed and about to lose his license for DUI.
If he wants to be a drummer great! Find a band and a part time job to pay for lessons and life expenses and enjoy! There are plenty of opportunities to further your education when you're older. Let him dictate the path but not the transport.
No more lessons. He can pay for them himself. If he can't get a job and pay for them, he can stay in school.
He needs to learn that the life you dream of doesn't just fall in your lap. You have to work, and work hard.