Making friends

Anonymous

Making friends

I’m 33yrs old and have not one friend! I work full time (no one at work to become friends with) I have 3 kids and a husband who are all super selfish :( I do everything for them. If I try and have time to myself it doesn’t work someone always has to tag along. Even if I attempt to have friends and catch up with them husband tags along and I never get invited out with “the girls” again. I feel like my husband and kids are destroying me. I have nothing apart from them. I don’t even know who I am anymore! How do I make friends and keep them. I literally have not one person that I can have coffee with or go shopping or just chat with. Please help!

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Self Care

13 Replies

Anonymous

Where are you located? I'm a 27 year old single mum and I find it hard to make friends as well especially as people tend to judge single mums or think I want to want to steal their husband or something *rolls eyes*

like
Anonymous

This is partly a you problem.

“Husband tags along”... how about communicating directly and saying no, he can’t come? How about saying, “honey, I need some me time, you are in charge of the kids today” and literally walking out for the day...

If you cannot communicate in a marriage then it is not much of a marriage. Stand up for yourself, set some boundaries and follow through! You can do this!

like
Anonymous

What do you mean your husband tags along? Why do you allow that? Just put your foot down and say no. If it's because he's feeling left out, maybe you need some more dates.

like
Anonymous

Or maybe he’s a controlling douche?

like
Anonymous

Maybe, but there's not enough information to jump to that conclusion and call him names :)

like
Anonymous

I might be way off the mark here but is your husband a controlling man?
Really think about that for a sec...

I only ask as I have a friend who's partner goes everywhere with her, literally. To the hairdressers, doctors appointments, the supermarket and especially when she does anything social - he's that insecure that he's got it in his head She'll be chatting up other dudes or she'll complain about him to her friends and they'll convince her to leave him.
I know that's a bit extreme but I'd be questioning his motives, it's odd that he wants to tag along on girls catch ups!
You need some boundaries!

like
Anonymous

I wondered if this is the case too. Its so odd, my partner would probably rather neck himself than come out with the girls.

like
Anonymous

My partner is the same and I couldn't think of anything worse than tagging along when he catches up with his mates.
We love each other but there are still some aspects of our personal lives we don't need to be involved in!

like
Anonymous

'When i try to do anything myself it doesn't work out' that struck me as sabotage. Ive lived that. My god its hard. And its not as easy to spot as you think. He should be pushing you to meet your needs, get independent, have girl time and be happy in life.

like
Anonymous

I’d be telling him you need time to yourself every so often. If he does not like it you will have to be pretty hardline with it and just say you’re going out for a couple of hours and go without guilt. Go get your hair cut, solo trip to the movies or call one of the “girls” that he would always come with to catch up and see if they can to a girlie date :-) You do what you have to do. You are a mum and wife but you are still an individual but not ONLY those things. Do what you need to not lose yourself ❤️ Good luck...

like
Anonymous

You can make friends through your children - other mums. Go the gym on Sat without your husband, put the kids in the creche if they have one and go make friends. Do an after work or weekend activity, sport, class, lesson. You need to tell your husband directly that you want girl friends and that a 'girls' catch up is just that.

like
Anonymous

Could you join a gym? Join in the group classes. Sometimes you have to partner up for some exercises. Might be a way to make some friends and find some confidence. I find that going to the gym is a good way to have "me time". No kids, husband, it's all about you :)

like
Anonymous

Find yourself a good counselor, someone to help you set boundaries and work on your self esteem. Then when you have confidence, create new house rules, everyone has a job, get a cleaner or whatever, and make time for your own activities weekly.

Join an early morning exercise group. Take yourself to a movie. Get your nails done. Go out for a coffee. Take a class. Do a workshop.

Once you’re out and about on your own and brimming with confidence, you will naturally attract friendly encounters.

like