Today I was assaulted by my 7 year old :(
This isn’t the first time but today it was bad.
My son has ADHD and is known to have abit of a temper on him, I chose to NOT medicate him, I don’t judge those that do chose to it’s just what I feel is right for us. I keep him busy with team sport and MMA training so he’s busy 6days out of the week plus school ect... he is my eldest, I also have a three year old son and a 11 month old daughter who I am now scared for :(.
We started having a wonderful day, got up early and traveled to his football game as soon as we got there his attitude turned sour, he has a wonderful team and coach. All boys are very close and supportive of each other... today he was just in a mood refusing to put any effort into the game, would stick with his team mates... his attitude was just FOUL, so rude to his coach. I told him because of his attitude he was banned from his xbox while we were driving, the whole drive home he was punching his poor brother in the head 😭😭 and as soon as we got home I said to him ‘I don’t care what the end result of a game is aslong as you tried and we’re a good sportsman’ he then somehow turned that into me apparently telling him he is terrible at footy and that I hate him. He then tried to play Xbox which I said no and took the controller off him... that’s when he snapped. I was holding his sister and he charged at me (he is a very tall and musley boy) pushing me into the wall while screaming angrily and began punching me in the ribs and stomach I had to push so hard it knocked him to the floor and run my daughter out to my mum he came running out again to go for me again which he did and I was taking the punches while yelling for him to stop and my mum had to come from the side and knock him onto the bed, his step dad called during this to see how his game went (he is FIFIO) and is the only dad my son has ever known, he was disgusted. The assault lasted for at least 10 minutes it went from room to room and my three year old was so petrified, it was so loud our dog was at the back door scratching and barking to get in as he thought we were being hurt, neighbours even came outside :(. It ended with him exhausting himself and he kept going and going so he lied on the floor for a good 15 minutes crying (I hate leaving him to cry on his own it kills me but I had to settle the younger kids) he calmed down and I explained what he did was so wrong but he just justifies it with me telling him he is a terrible football player which I would never say. I’m at a lose. The Xbox is going it’s being sold and IF he proves himself he can get another in a few months. I don’t even think I’m asking any questions... just needing to get this out so I’m not sitting here crying to myself thinking where the F**K have I gone wrong
33 Replies
Honestly, I’d get him out of MMA ASAP. You are teaching your son skills on how to assault you more effectively. There are plenty of sports that you can get your son with to wear hi:pm out. ADHD is far more than a child who has too much energy. There are psychological effects too. Most kids with ADHD have extremely low self esteem and are over sensitive. It’s time to get a psychologist who specialises in this area to help teach him some emotional regulation etc.
I feel the MMA has definitely helped him. I have never ever seen him sit and listen to someone the way he does his instructor, he really admired and looks up to him. I agree that it’s teaching him assault skills but MMA is so much more then that. Thank you very much for your words x
Is he so busy with school and outside activities (you said 6 days a week) that he is getting super tired and overwhelmed with everything? Was he tired this morning when he woke up to go to soccer? Maybe he is getting overloaded and just needs some down time...
We had him in just football to begin with and spending more time at home was so much worse for him. I completely get what you are saying though. When he isn’t kept busy unfortunately the whole house cops the brunt of it and more tantrums are chucked over the Xbox.
Do you think keeping him busy with physical activity all the time is a good solution?
No I don’t think it’s a solution. He requested to do these activities, I want for all my kids to explore all different things until they find what they are truely passionate about and what makes them happy.
I would much prefer him to ask to do things that keep him fit, healthy and happy rather then sitting at home on the Xbox, having no motivation to do anything.
There’s a difference between some extra curricular activities and ensuring six days a week he does stuff so he isn’t at home where he’s uncontrollable. He needs to learn how to cope, you can’t avoid something andhope it will get better on its own.
There’s no nice way to put it, so here goes....give your son the medication he needs and deserves so he can live a happy and fulfilled life and before his self esteem is too damaged. That is far more important than any discomfort/guilt you feel around giving him medication, give him a fighting chanc of being able to do what the other kids can.
I know you will have all the answers to rebut my reply, like the other comments, but it’s worth a try.
Nope tell the mma instructor what he did. He'll get a serve as a kid we were taught that you are NEVER to use it on anybody unless in selfdefence.
Just hide the xbox if youre planning to give it back. Getting a new one in a few months will be a positive to him in hindsight.
As i was reading i was thinking you need to get yourself some pf those boxing pads. Maybe he needs a punch bag out theback and the message would be drilled into him to use that and that you ARE NOT a punch bag, zero tolerance.
Do you think you are handling him correctly? I hear that he was foul at the game, building up on the way home... but you kept pushing him? Was there a point where you saw that this kid is mad and needs help to calm down?
I completely agree, I reflect on every incident we have and go over what I should have done differently. It’s not like I just went straight into nagging him sorry I should have gone into more detail, I took him aside to try and work out what was bothering him during half time and he said he was just excited to get back out on the field. I didn’t realise I was pushing until you pointed t out... thank you xx
And thank you for those suggestions, I will definitely give them a try
I just reread that and it sounded very harsh. Thank you for taking it in the constructive spirit it was meant. Hindsight andbeing removed makes it so much easier to reflect and criticize, its very different when youre in the moment.
Youre doing great its a very hard job. I found my psychologist a realy great help to go over scenarios and offer strategies for me to catch it early and help it go differently. Hope youre feeling better today x
You say you “chose” to not medicate him and that is completely your call. However, given that he has become violent and quite frankly a safety risk for your other children, is this something that you would reconsider? Or at the very least go and see your pediatrician and discuss what is happening?
I’m not necessarily pro-medication but I do believe it has its place and should be a consideration as conditions/diseases/illnesses evolve.
The medications all give him severe nose bleeds and migraines so then they want to prescribe medication to help with those too. I’m just not at all comfortable dosing him up on so much so mask things. I completely understand what your saying. I feel I just want to exhaust every other option before accepting that as my only option xx
He assaulted you and his 3yr old brother. That is a huge warning sign of what yiur future holds if you don't take action now.
Try different meds, it's just to settle his mind so he can think straight.
I'm on the meds and they're definitely better for me than not being medicated.
It's not a mask. It's clarity for ours minds
Firstly, he knows what he did was wrong, so points to you for ensuring he understands.
He does sound super busy. I’d suggest dropping one activity and replacing it with gardening. Outdoor activity, naturistic and can be done as a whole family. Planting something, caring for it and watching it grow. I’d suggest making it a family project like planting a vege patch.
Research it, it’s shown to improve all types of challenging behaviour and shows growth in areas of emotions.
I’d also suggest looking very closely at diet. Food additives and preservatives play a huge role in emotions and behaviours. Look at a website called sistermixin ((one of their sons has behavioural issues and they offer courses to help learn to cook and avoid all the nasties)) and another good website is “cut out the crap”.
You haven’t mentioned diet in your question, but I’ve seen many positive stories from mums and dads who have eliminated additives, preservatives and most sugars and seen huge improvements so it’s worth a look.
As for the Xbox, use it to your advantage. Don’t sell it, put it away. Once you see improvement reintroduce it but without violent or major action games as it might just be too stimulating. And as always, set a time limit.
Good luck (and sorry for the ramble!)
Thank you so very much for your support xx. I never considered replacing one gardening or something which I think he would really enjoy. Exploring diet is something we are in the midst of, I am making slow changes and boy have I seen a difference so thank you for those helpful websites also.
Xx
I second the diet.
I notice a MASSIVE difference in my kids behaviours depending on what they’ve been eating. Like MASSIVE
As well as rest. Even if they are too old for naps, I still feel like they need some quiet time. And it sounds like your busy boy might need that (without Xbox because it is stimulating) so maybe you could drive around for 20 minutes before you get home (this is something I often actually do so we can all have some calm time) and I play loud but calming music, usually acoustic and I say, right I’m going to drive for 15-20 minutes, no talking, just look out the window and relax listening to the music. I don’t know if actually works for other kids, but it works for us.
I know you have more issues to address which I don’t have advice for but I just thought that might be helpful for you some days. Even if it isn’t helpful for your boy, it might be helpful for you when you’ve had “a day” lol
Hun, I really think it's time to consider medication, I know it has side effects which they try to combat with more medication but he's only going to get bigger and stronger. Also, with puberty just around the corner, that tends to exacerbate aggressive behavior too.
Sometimes these decisions need to be made with the bigger picture in mind, a decision that benefits everyone. The safety of your other 2 children needs to be just as much of a priority.
My brother had ADHD, also unmedicated, I was often used as a literal punching bag. He was uncontrollable at times and a very sweet little boy other times. By the time my mum conceded and accepted that he needed medication (he was 12) a lot of damage had already been done. His grades at school had plummeted, he was behind severely in said work, he'd developed a huge problem with authority, he became increasingly aggressive, he actually refused to take his medicine. These issues followed him to high school where he eventually dropped out in 9th grade and he started getting into trouble with the law. Now I'm not telling you this to scare you, nor am I suggesting this is the path your son is destined to travel but looking back my mum admits that getting him on medication and proper therapy when he was younger, his life may have turned out a lot better.
I guess my point is don't let this become one of those hindsight things.
All the best Mum, I fully appreciate how hard this is on everyone and I can see you're doing your best.
Thank you so much for your reply, you have no idea how much I needed to read your comment right now 💔❤️. Your last line ‘I can see your trying your best’ has me in tears because I really am, and I know I don’t always get it right but it’s killing me seeing my little boy have these feelings.
I’m so sorry for what you we’re put through throughout your own experience with this xo.
I agree, now that I have slept and taken a few breaths medication is something I do need to consider, I’m just so scared the little boy I know and love so much will be changed by it.
I will be booking in with our paed on Tuesday to discuss what else can be done to help maintain his meltdowns.
He really is so sweet, we just had another meltdown, it wasn’t as bad as yesterday but I was still hit and he was hysterical this happened not even 3 minutes ago and now he is sitting down laughing to a movie. It’s like he forgets they even happen which I understand as some people blank out in fits of rage.
Thank you again so much, your comment is what I needed xo
Untreated adhd in childhood is linked to major difficulties in adulthood for many people. It's why adult adhd psychiatrists specialise in criminal behaviour. But treated children fair quite well. Don't be scared of the medication but ask every question you need to with your paediatrician
You might find it helpful to read blogs by adults who have adhd. They are incredibly insightful and might help reassure regarding medication. Modern meds are so much better than those available 20-30 years ago. Most people say it doesn’t change who they are but allows there mind to slow down to normal levels.
People with adhd are prone to meltdowns/explosions more than other children because they are exhausted all the time because they have to work 20 times harder. Once they have there explosion they usuallly feel much better because they’ve had a huge emotional release.
It’s like watching a duck swim, on the surface it looks like they are gliding but you can’t see all the work going on under the water to maintain that.
My partners 16 year old has ADHD and my partner has always been against medication. He tried it for a year and all the behaviour issues stopped but he was like a zombie so my partner put a stop to it. This child spent his whole school life (except for that one year) being a little terror. The characteristics of ADHD made it impossible for him to learn in a classroom environment and in turn he made it very difficult for the rest of his class to learn by constantly disrupting, talking and being the class clown. He was constantly being suspended from High School, I think at times just to get rid of him. He was not learning at all, reading and writing was/is at a year 2 level at best and when he got to high school there was nothing he could do except continue to be disruptive. He swore at teachers, played pranks, bullied other kids, had massive meltdowns in the school office. He was home on suspension more than he was going to school. Literally go back to school one day and be home the next. One day he just stopped going. At 14. He now lives with his girlfriend and smokes pot daily which I must say has done wonders for his ADHD. He is working and matured heaps but he is self medicating. I honestly believe if my partner had not been so stubborn about medication there would have been a different outcome for him.
You choose not to medicate him and you are giving him the tools to assault you without being able to defend yourself. You're afraid for your other children and he is assaulting him and you still choose to not medicate him. For you're safety, your other children's safety especially your other children's safety you should be doing what's best for all of you. What you are doing by keeping him busy is not keeping you safe. Time to see if there's something else you can do which is natural to help improve him or switch to meds and see if his yours and your other children's lives are safer and less volitile. If it came to a choice of my children being scared of their brother or my children loving their brother who's on meds I'd choose the latter. How is it benifiting by keeping him off of meds. My daughters meds now that they've been adjusted work really well and she still has her spark she's just focused. I can't imagine his poor teachers at school nor would I like to imagine how many other children are scared of him because of a decision you're making by not medicating him especially when his behaviour is so severe.
https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-crime/
I totally understand not wanting to medicate him, my husband was medicated and really resents his childhood for it. He has no "nice" memories. He was medicated as he too was aggressive (but never to this extent that your son is). It's very daunting to put your child on ANY medication. But we do what we have to for our child's wellbeing and everyone's safety.
It sounds like your son may need medication, whether it be Ritolan or something else. If you're against the idea, I'd contact a naturopath and look at some other remedies that might help calm him. Whether it be a diet change or something that may be it.
I'd also avoid using toys as a bargaining tool so to speak. He obviously flips very quickly when things don't go his way, so avoid using the X-Box as a punishment. Instead, use it as a reward. Pack it away and when he's been well behaved or done something helpful, he gets 30 mins of play time. Keep it short stints so that there's no chance he'll do something that you then need to take it off of him again and keep it all positive. Hide the controller at all times and you can choose when he gets it.
If the stress of him losing a game is too much, maybe try and find a sport that 1. doesn't rely on him and 2. there's no "winning" or "losing". Just for now. Like his MMA or even doing some Karate. OR a sport that he plays alone, like tennis - where it all comes back to him and no one else so he can work on just himself. Because quite frankly, he could be a bad footy player and be letting the team down or he could be really good and the team is hindering him. So until he can handle it, don't let him play a winning/losing sport.
Also, have a punching bag that he can go to when he is angry, in the garage or away from your other children. When you detect he is in a foul mood (and I'm sure you know when he is about to snap) send him straight to the garage and tell him to get his anger out on the punching bag. Really focus on nurturing and understanding that he CAN get his frustration out but can never, ever do it in a way that will harm himself or anyone around him.
You haven't gone wrong, you just have a child who is a handful and needs some guidance and help in controlling his emotions.
I live with the 38 year old version.
He was medicated as a child and said he felt like a zombie.
His parents were not on top off his behaviour.
Other family members showed him the way.
He had a stressful period in life a couple of years ago.
Automatically dropped into melt down mode.
Please help a 7 year old deal with his emotions as the adult version is a frightening being.
I took myself to a specialist that deals in Adult ADHD, she gave me coping strategies. Hypnotism so I do not react to the silly things.
I also got him to join martial arts, it's been the best thing for him. He goes 4 days a week.
The energy is released in a controlled way.
He runs a successful business and is a pilot.
His energy used in the correct ways is amazing, unfortunately we have to be aware of the opposite.
Him on an Xbox sends him mental.
He is irrational and just silly.
I hide the Xbox from the Adult not the kids.
Oh honey! I know how you feel. My son is 8 and he has ADHD. He was diagnosed at 5 and I rejected medication for two years whilst he was worsening by the day. I felt like the worst mum in the world, trapped between a rock and a hard place. He would scream at me, hit his sister, disrupt his classmates and couldn’t even focus enough to learn how to read. One day my daughter (just two years older than him) told me “mum, I just wish he was never born” He had hurt all of us and taken all the attention away from his sister, she couldn’t get any, as we would be always trying to improve his behaviour. The day she said that to me, I made an appt with his paediatrician and he was prescribed Ritalin. I drove all the way home bawling my eyes out. He started taking it. A week later he was a different child. A month later I felt that I by choosing to not medicate him, I had robbed him of two whole years of a normal life. We haven’t looked back ever since. Talk to his dr. If he has adverse reactions, they can change the brand or trial new meds. Don’t give up. He needs you to make the right decision, he can’t make it for himself. I wish I could give you a big hug, I know the fear, mixed emotions and desperation you feel. Reach for help. If you’re not happy with the actual dr, change to a different one. (I had to change 3 before I found the amazing dr we see now). Hang in there. You can make good things happen, he can have a normal childhood. All the best mumma xxxx
As stated already, get him out of MMA, it can turn even more deadly for you or the children. Also you have to weigh up the options regarding medication, would you rather him assault you and the kids constantly or have him medicated and most likely have it stopped? You need to think of yours and the kids safety at this point. He has a mental illness, nothing wrong with medicating for mental illness.
As stated already, get him out of MMA, it can turn even more deadly for you or the children. Also you have to weigh up the options regarding medication, would you rather him assault you and the kids constantly or have him medicated and most likely have it stopped? You need to think of yours and the kids safety at this point. He has a mental illness, nothing wrong with medicating for mental illness.
As stated already, get him out of MMA, it can turn even more deadly for you or the children. Also you have to weigh up the options regarding medication, would you rather him assault you and the kids constantly or have him medicated and most likely have it stopped? You need to think of yours and the kids safety at this point. He has a mental illness, nothing wrong with medicating for mental illness.
i Think you need to re think medication. It sounds like his very uncontrollable and unfortunately your younger kids sound like they are potentially in danger of him. His already punched one of the kids continuously in the head, what’s next?
To help with the anger issues maybe look into getting a punching bag and let him take it out his anger on it.
My parents had to do that for my little brother around the same age with ADHD.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU HAVE NOT GONE WRONG. .
My son was 4 years old when he first seriously attacked me, he used a baseball bat!!! It took a further 3years of me being physically and verbally abused before he was diagnosed with adhd (I constantly took him to dr’s, councillors, mentors). I didn’t want my son medicated either, however by the time he was officially diagnosed his anger would rage over silly little things ( like me breathing to loud??). He had already begun to hit kids at school because they didn’t want to play with him anymore ( I wouldn’t want to play with someone that bullied me either). He wouldn’t listen to reason, our house has so many holes in the walls, no handles on doors, broken cupboards.
The way the dr put it to me when trying to explain it was like this:
If a child has asthma you would give them inhalers to help them breathe.
If a child had diabetes you would give them insulin to help with their blood sugar.
You don’t have to put him on Ritalin, my son After trial and error is now on concerta, he is not a zombie,
he has gone from c’s and d’s at School to a’s And b’s, he is no longer being put in detention or suspended and actually has friends.
While we do still struggle ( a lot)at home when we don’t medicate him ( avoid it weekends and school holidays to give him a break from it, as per dr’s instructions) things are better, I have not had a bruise in a year now. My son however is an only child.
I am concerned for your younger children, he’s already thinking it’s ok to punch someone in the head.
You need to see doctors,
Councillors, you haven’t gone wrong, adhd is a in looser terms is a mental health issue and by no means his fault
Or yours. But you need to do something before he puts one of your little ones in hospital.
By no means am I telling you to medicate, the above is my experience and even though it’s not what I Originally wanted it was what ended up being the best option for my son, he also sees a councillor and up until recently had a mentor.
Firstly you have done nothing wrong ADHD is a condition it’s not food related or anything your doing wrong in parenting . I too have a 15 year old boy with ADHD and he did martial arts also and wow he improved at that time to some degree . I was also against medications felt it wasn’t any good for our son (the internet has some horror stories) till there came a time i had to give it a go the doctor said to me it’s just a trial see how he is after a month .... and wow what a difference he was a new boy and most of all happy it was controlling his behaviour no more getting spoken to at school he was enjoying sports and excelled in his martial arts all I can say it won’t hurt to try it doesn’t mean you have to stay on the meds but it may help you for now . my son no longer takes medication he manages without it now I feel it gave him the skills to learn to cope and now he is older its a learned behaviour ... I know how hard this is for you it sucks and it’s an awful situation to be in take care hope this is helpful x