I need some advice for a stressed out dad. I have a 3 and half year old daughter who stays with me 2 nights a week.
She has started telling her mother that she plays a game in the bath where she puts things in her bum bum with daddy and she doesnt like that game. Her mother took her to the doctor without me knowing and had her checked internally and swab tested to see if there was any foul play At first she dismissed this as her anxiety but now my daughter has said it again. I am now not able to see my daughter until we find out whats going on but of course the blame is on me. I am horrified and so helpless because I would never do anything to ham my daughter, She is the love of my life . I know this and my daughter knows this but her mum doesn't.
I was wondering if anyone else has been through this?
My 3 year old is saying to her mum that we play a sexual game in the bath
My 3 year old is saying to her mum that we play a sexual game in the bath
Posted in:
Mental Health, Men's Business, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler
16 Replies
Do you get On ok with the mum before this? I think you have to understand that the mum will protect her on this until proven clear, could you ask the mum if you can bath her at their house, supervised, to try to figure out what she's talking about?
I would also ask the mum for supervised visits at the mums to maintain the relationship until this is cleared.
Look, from a mums perspective if my kids came home saying these things I would most certainly be investigating it and I too wouldn't allow access to the accused person until and if we got to the bottom of it. I'm sure you'd do the same if the situation was reversed.
I can't help but wonder if your daughter has been coached into saying these things though, you often hear of vindictive ex's doing this as a way of alienating the child's other parent.
I think you should get some counselling to help deal with what must be very traumatic and a lawyer to help you fight this!
It’s so common that women and children are not believed in these situations. The ones who lie are very few and far between
That is true but a possibility none the less.
please don't give him ideas in how to win this battle. Offenders blame the child and mother and coaching all the time. It's not that common for a parent to coach the child
From a mum's perspective she is doing everything right. I would do exactly the same to protect my baby. Anything my kid tells me I will take seriously and I applaud her for doing the same.
I hope that you can get to the bottom (no pun intended) of it and have rights to your daughter soon.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I feel your pain as my daughter (also 3) has told some very serious lies as well including that she broke her leg because "mummy snapped it" when she has never broken her leg and I certainly would never snap any part of her body. I think her mum did the right thing by getting her checked out and hopefully this can all be put behind you soon.
Get ahead of the game, go to somewhere that does lie detector tests that can be submitted to the courts and prove your innocence. Lie detectors can be beaten but not by the average person. Prove your innocence and get your contact back.
Are you and mum on good terms? If not prepare yourself to i the fact she could have been coached to say these things.
If it were that simple wouldn’t they use lie detector tests for everything?
Lie detector tests are inadmissible in court, they aren't precise enough to be used in such a way. Unfortunately, there's no exact science to tell us if a person is lying or not.
It would fair better to be 110% cooperative in every aspect, push for physiological assessment and medical help, also get legal advice and representation.
If you've done nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide or prove.
The bigger question is why is your daughter saying this? Get a lawyer to help you. Sorry this is happening but things will work out. Eventually. Though I imagine it's hard to see that right now.
Could someone else be doing this and told her not to tell and she is uncomfortable so she says it’s you? Does her mother have a boyfriend?
Does she have an iPad, phone or access to the internet? Sounds like she’s seen or heard some pretty inappropriate stuff, I’ve read YouTube kids have this type of child grooming type stuff on it. I’d also be checking out what kids are talking about at her daycare if she attends one
You both need to work as a team on this, support the mothers actions as she is only protecting her child. You need to find out how she got this information whether that be by a professional or a trusted friend. Have you asked your daughter why she says that and who told her that. If you get children in the right moment ( with no distractions around) sometimes they will tell you the truth
The mum absolutely did the correct thing.
My daughter told a school teacher her brother and her had a fight in the bath and he wouldn't get off her.
I was contacted by sexual crines unit and put halled over the coals.
I didn't know anything about it, police did not believe me.
Hubby had to go to the school and explain what happened.
(Hubby didn't tell me anything happend as it was nothing really)
I was out to dinner with friends, hubby put our 2 kids 14 months apart in age (My girl in prep, boy in Year 1) in the bath.
My boy took a bath toy off my girl, she grabbed it back, he jumped on her to get it. (Out of bath at this point)
School asked my girl baited questions.
My one night out in a year was ruined.
The school omitted to tell police my boy was only little himself.
Was a huge mess.
On the other hand my cousin on one side my uncle on the other abused me from 6 years of age till 12.
I did not tell a soul.
They both offered to babysit, my parents took them up on it.
Tones of signs (non verbal) but no one ever picked up on them till I was 17 yrs old and ripped my uncle to shreds, then turned on my cousin at a Xmas lunch.
My family is going through similar, my son made a disclosure at school that indicates sexual abuse- only my son is non verbal and uses
Sign language ect and what his schoolteachers and socet took as a disclosure sounds to me like something completely different is being said. so trying to get it all sorted has been a huge
Long battle with socet, casa, dhs ect over a year later things are only just starting to be ‘ sorted’ and visitations are now being aloud with the alleged perpetrator.
All the kids in our family not just the initiall child have been put through vigorous assessments, I myself have had psychological assessments, the alleged perpetrator had also been through psychological assessments. Our family has been split due to these claims, we haven’t seen my children’s step siblings in over a year due to this stuff not being sorted completely. Goodluck with your investigation but I will say don’t expect it to be a short or quick investigation!