My mother in law has delusional disorder. Her latest delusions are that she thinks I am hurting and molesting my children. She is now in a psychiatric ward but even from in there, she leaves back to back voice mails about how I am hurting my children and how my husband (her son) is blind to it. The phone calls are blocked but we still receive them in a blocked folder. She is due to be released from the hospital this week and she will do everything she can to destroy our family. She will call my work, my husbands work, she has already sent letters to family members and friends. It doesn't stop. The option has been thrown for a restraining order but that will only make her more vicious, more manipulative. She will pose as other people and make our life living hell, calling everyone and doing everything in her power to destroy us. I have already told my husband that she is never allowed near our children again. She has the delusion that I am going to be murdered and she will take the kids away from me. Has anyone been in a similar situation that can offer any advise? Anyone have a family member with delusional disorder that can offer some insight? I am an anxious mess. I feel sick knowing she is trying to destroy my family even if she actually believes these things are true. She claims she saw my children being molested and beaten. She actually believes in her mind that she has seen that. The psychiatrist said that the delusions may go away and she may forget she ever had them, or she may have them for the rest of her life. I love my children more than anything in the world and I cannot let this woman destroy our family with her delusions. I am scared that even though people know they are happy and healthy, there will always be that seed in their mind that she has planted with her lies.
ETA: From my research, what she is doing is classified as stalking and she can be charged but what on earth is the point? She has been charged for breaking several restraining orders in the past and all it ended up doing is having the case overthrown due to her mental condition. It didn't deter her or stop her. At one point, her neighbours on every side of her had restraining orders and it just made her worse.
I should also add that my father in law is supportive behind closed doors, but to her face, he goes along with everything she says because if he doesn't, she keeps him up till 5/6am screaming and yelling, sometimes even hurting him, because he goes against her. She has been known to call his friends, family and even all his customers to tell them he is all sorts of things or out of business etc.. so he is too afraid to stand up to her in fear of retaliation.
15 Replies
Oh my goodness! How absolutely terrible for you. No advice just hugs
If she's been in hospital they will have reviewed her medication. Have her delusions stabilised with new antipsychotics? If not and she becomes a threat to you call the police. They can have her committed involuntarily in certain circumstances. This sounds like a horrible situation though.
She’s already on antipsychotics in hospital because she was commited involuntarily for threatening to kill me and take the kids. The antipsychotics have not stabilised the delusions at all. She has actually left back to back messages about this on my husbands phone just in the last 4 days. She’s been in there for almost 2 weeks. So it doesn’t seem to be helping at all.
It honestly seems wrong that they are releasing her with out stabilizing her meds first. Can family ie your husband and his father talk to her doctors to express this concern? I know when I was admitted 2 was was considered to be a very short stay..some patients had been there 6+ weeks.
I was thinking this too, it seems very irresponsible of them to discharge her while she's still displaying the delusional behavior.
My mum was admitted recently, she stayed in for around a month. They would not discharge her until they were certain she wasn't a danger to herself or others and they only discharged her under the condition she stayed with a family member until she was on her feet, also the mental health nurses came to visit her every few days for a few weeks after, then slowly graduated to phone check ins.
It really doesn't sound like they're doing enough for her, she is clearly a very unwell woman! I'd encourage your hubby or father in-law to look into her healthcare, she really needs to be in hospital until she is less volatile.
I don't know how you make the situation better but maybe you could look into some counseling for yourself because this would be very stressful and traumatic for you to deal with.
All the best x
They have a duty if care to ensure she isn't a risk to others. 2 weeks is a very short stay for this kind of thing (I work in health) and is not nearly enough time for them to make changes to medication. It's possible that they aren't changing her medication as she's already trialled so many or is non compliant. But if she's non compliant she can be court ordered to have monthly needles. Otherwise they should be arranging full-time care for her. Perhaps the doctors don't realise she is saying this?
Thank you for the reply. I get the idea that this hospital likes to flush people out as quickly as possible. They’re aware she’s saying it because of phone recordings, nurses following her around and taking notes and all of us having the same story. Unfortunately they just wash their hands and say there’s nothing more they can do. She’s staying until the weekend and then they’re releasing her. So 3 weeks. My husband called and left 4 messages for the doctor and he didn’t even call back. I feel like she’s thrown into the too hard basket.
Okay it took 3 days and about 15 phone calls but we finally got through to a doctor who said they are not releasing her for atleast another 2 weeks and she is also going on a CTO (the court ordered treatment that involves blood tests ensuring she takes her medication). The antipsychotics are still ineffective BUT hopefully with the extended stay, shell be able to get the help she needs and I will be able to have the sanity I need knowing she's somewhere she cant hurt me or my family.
I think at this stage this is probably the best outcome for all. It nust sucks it took.so much to get to this point. Hopefully now you can rest a little easier for the time being. If you think she is not ready when they think she is to be realised fight it again. Your safety and the safety of your children is paramount. Good luck xx
Wow, so sad for everyone involved, including her. No advice as I've not had experience with it but I worry for all of you and your FIL, are there other care options for someone with her illness? Can she go into a home? What would be stopping her coming into your home and hurting you and taking off with your kids? You're all very lucky she has a diagnosis imagine if she didn't and how hard it would be to be taken seriously.
When I asked the psych about a more permanent facility he said “there’s no such thing”. I’m starting to think this doctor is an ass
Sadly, a lot of the old psych facilities have been closed down (places like Glenside Hospital in Adelaide which was a pshyciatric facility) because the government believe everyone should be integrated into the community. For the majority, this is fine with the correct care (group homes, nursing etc) but there are people who just can’t be released this way. It sounds like your Mother In law may be one of these people.
You don’t say where you are living, but have you asked to have a second opinion or to have your Mother-in-Laws case reviewed? In NSW there is a system called REACH where a patient or family memeber are concerned that a patient’s care, you can call a number and give them information (hospital name, patient’s name & Ward/bed number) and they have a completely independent team go over the patient’s case from admittance and see if there is anything that has been missed/done differently.
The other option is to contact the Patient’s Outcome Officer and express your concerns that they are going to discharge her even if she hasn’t improved and without putting the required steps in place to help her (they have to make sure she is going somewhere safe, that she won’t be a danger to herself and others etc. hospitals have a duty of care not to discharge without certain things in place).
Good luck to you. This sounds simply horrible and you seem to be a very strong woman, looking after your family the best way you can. Xox
Im wondering if you could use ryans rule to get a second opinion because this doctor seems to be not taking this case seriously
I am so sorry you are going through this. My mother is very similar, she has a whole heap of mental issues added with drug use and began to turn violent. In the end she put our kids in danger and i had to say enough is enough. I tried and tried to get her help but you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. We ended up cutting all contact and moving. She doesn't know where we live or have our numbers etc. We are careful who we give our number or address to in case they give it to her. We also have her and people who believe her blocked on social media so she is unable to access photos of us or our kids. I am not going to lie it has been bloody hard. I lost nearly all of my family by doing this but it has made it 1000% safer for me and my kids to grow. It sounds like you may need to do the same. Unfortunately if she isn't going to help herself there is nothing you can do but protect your family.
Update: she’s still in the psych ward but still having the delusions. They have not improved at all and I’d say they’re much worse. Her new doctor said it could take up to a few weeks before the medication kicks in.
They’re aware of the phone calls as she makes them from their phones as she doesn’t have a mobile.
Each morning I wake and hope the delusions have stopped but so far, they have only become worse and the stories she has imagined have become far more ingrained with a lot more detail.