Im in the process of separating (still living together). Im also pregnant. My ex and I were discussing parenting arrangements and he started bawling saying he wont be able to bond with baby if he cant see baby that often.
He is a good dad.
What parenting arrangements did you have in place for a newborn/infant?
I wanted 50/50 which we can do with our other kids that are older but I dont think that would work with a newborn? Help?
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3 Replies
I believe with newborns/under 12 months they suggest mum to have custody for the first year for bonding purposes. However, good on you both for wanted to work this out - how fantastic for the children.
If you are comfortable, I'd recommend dad being there for the birth and being able to do the usual cutting of the cord and also some skin to skin after you've done yours. If you're in a position to, maybe pump some milk so that he can bottle feed bubs sometimes to give them that bond. How often will he be able to see the baby realistically? There's many ways they can bond, including shower time together, feeding, taking on walks etc :)
I think lots of short visits are agood idea for a newborn. If he can be around you that would be best. Stay at yours, a cuddle, bath, short walk around the block, sit outside. You can shower, clean, nap. As baby grows up he could start taking the baby out for longer, back to his for the day etc.
I agree with above. Under 12 months bubs needs to be based with one parent. Provided there is no DV issue or no concerns about safety I’d be having an open door policy for him to be as involved as he likes :-) Sounds like he is sensitive about the issue and wants to be an involved dad. At a minimum I’d be suggesting 2 afternoons through the week he can come do bottles bath etc. and for a full day in the weekend :-) When you are all comfortable just make alterations like small outtings alone for them to bond, gradually and slowly moving to overnight :-)