Feeling lost. Looking for some sort of advice. Im a single mum of 2. I had my first son when I was very young. I left my domestic violence marriage 3 years ago after 8 years of abuse. I found a new partner who I thought was different but he ended up being a drug addict and alcoholic. I am no longer with him but I have now found myself 5 months pregnant with his child. So with most single mums I struggle with finance. I get under $500 a week to support the 3 of us. Which I am more then thankful for but some days I can't even afford to feed my kids or afford fuel to take them to school. I'm on a single parent pension and really need to find work but I just don't know how I will cope or if anyone will take on a pregnant single mum. My life is so complicated and I have noone to look after my kids if I get a job after school hours or weekends and I can't afford daycare, I also need to be available for my son. I suffer from depression, PTSD, body dismorpia, anxiety and eating disorders which have started to get better since I've gotten help. I see 2 psychs on a weekly bases and I am on antidepressants. My eldest son is autistic, adhd, depression and anxiety. He has various appointments weekly too. Every day is a battle in my house just to get myself out of bed. My son tells me hates me and abuses me, calls me stupid and a bad mum. Nothing I do is good enough, everything is always horrible and negative and he takes it out on me. Some days he goes mute and just sits at glares at me the whole day. He seems to really hate me. Hes never happy to see me. It's the worse feeling having your child treat you this way. I've done everything (seeked help, done parenting courses) but he has the emotional regulations of a 5 year old (he is 9). I know its not his fault but it hurts so much - he doesnt treat anyone else this way either, just me. My 2 kids fight constantly. Hitting, screaming, yelling. Normally because my autistic son cant handle noses or how his brother irritates him doing 6 year old things. My 6 year old also has ADHD and bowel issues so he sees a few specialists too. He has multiple accidents every day (wees and poos) Which is exausting on its own. I love my kids, I really do but some times I hate my life. I seem to feel nothing but misery and depression and loneliness. Noone understands what my home life is like. I think I hate being a mum. I feel like I've failed in life and I've failed my children for feeling this way. I get no rewards from being a parent. Other mums seem to have it so much easier and have fun with their kids. My kids are so difficult. Obviously I love my children, I loved being a mum when they where little but now my passion is gone. I now know I shouldn't have fallen pregnant but my ex and I where engaged and he was helping me with the kids and things where much better until he started drinking and doing drugs and It's too late to get an abortion and I cant put bubs up for adoption. It is what it is and I can't change the fact that im back to square one for the second time in my life except with a baby on the way. I dont know how I am going to ever cope if I can't now with 2 children. Trying to recover from abuse, my own issues, dealing with money stress, a child with disabilities, being pregnant and a new seperation. I'm just so tired. I'm not even sure if this is a question or if I'm just looking for advice or support. I'm feeling so lost and tired and lonely. I feel like the worlds shittest mum. I really do try. But I seems to fail everyday. My end up losing my shit with both kids. They show me no respect, never listen, fight with me, never help around the house. My youngest has learned a lot from his autistic brother so they both disrespect me. Some days I want to quit. I never imagined my life this way.
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