My sister won’t see she has a problem.

Hey IMs. I’m at a loss. This is an area of life that I have no real experience with and I would love to hear from people who have had experience and could possibly come up with some ideas?!

This is quite long, if you make it to the end then thank you.

My sister is (I believe) a high functioning alcoholic.
A bit of background: there are three of us sisters. She is the youngest, we are all in our 30’s. We had a good childhood, some issues with my Dad (not abusive), where none of us were close to him at all, my mother raised us and he supported her in that role (we were “her” children, she wanted a family and he wanted to be with her) which was fine by us and worked well, except on the odd occasion where he did decide to throw his 2 cents in at us which would ‘upset the apple cart’ for want of a better expression. My sister had an abortion at a young age (one of those unfortunate times when a girl gets pregnant when she loses her virginity). My mother was supportive and offered to help her raise the baby. Sister made the decision to abort as she felt she was too young and wasn’t ready (I think this has effected her maybe worse than if she was told to have an abortion as she carries a lot of guilt). My father didn’t deal well with the pregnancy and this is one of the times he stuck his 2 cents in, (after the abortion) he was very unkind. We all stuck up for her. She never forgave him. He died a few years later and this was never resolved.
These are her issues. Trivial to some, relevant to her.

So. The drinking started young but mainly after the abortion. She would always get drunk and emotional which was understandable. She has worked and studied hard and has a good job and career. Her and I both drank a lot during our teens and early twenties. I then stopped drinking when I had my first child. Being sober while I was pregnant made me realise what a waste of time, money and dignity my drinking had become. I look back and I realise that I had a bit of a drink issue. I couldn’t just have one or 2 and I didn’t know when enough was enough. All weekend, every weekend. Depressed and anxious all week at work - an emotional wreck... then do it all again all weekend. No memories, no idea what had happened or who I saw. Had some terrible and dangerous occurrences which I am so ashamed of. But she has not stopped. This lifestyle is still her now and I don’t know how to help her, mainly because the only reason I stopped was because I became a mother... (my children saved me from myself and my life is dedicated to them now, I don’t trust myself to have a drink), that was fortunate for me but doesn’t give me a lot of experience to know how to help her stop. Every partner she gets with, finishes with her because of her drinking. Friends will cross the road to avoid her when they see she is coming when she is drunk. We went to a friends wedding a few years ago and she was heckling the father of the bride as he stuttered through his speech, people were so annoyed with her but telling her falls on deaf ears. If you try to tell her the next day she will say she doesn’t want to hear about it and just stop talking to you for as long as it takes for her not to hear it. She was hit by a car stumbling into the road drunk, she had two years of therapy on her leg before she could walk properly again. A lot of her friends are getting married and having children and this is all she wants too... she is attractive, hilariously funny when sober, smart and witty. She has no trouble meeting people... then enter “the drink” and nobody calls her back. So she turns to drinking to sooth herself. She has so many friends and people who care about her but as soon as she has had a drink they avoid her at all costs. I live in a different country to my family. A few years ago I went back for Christmas. We had all the cousins and relatives together for the first time ever. She went out for “a couple” and came home blind drunk, shouting and swearing at us all for “being so boring” as we were wrapping up all the gifts from Santa and placing them around the tree... almost everyone there had a drink in their hand, Christmas music on and having a laugh and a joke... but because we weren’t all blind drunk like her she started moaning at us all about how she had “come back early” (9pm, she went out at 2pm) to see us all and we were just ignoring her... shouting so loud she woke the children up (bloody Christmas Eve!) and started smashing glasses etc. the next day none of us can mention it because she gets defensive and aggressive about it. She has changed flat mates numerous times in the last few years as she gets asked to leave, she never knows why because she cannot remember upsetting anyone, because she was drunk. Her good friends have actually filmed her being so drunk and she refuses to watch it saying that they are just being cruel. She cannot see that we all just care about her and want her to see what she is doing to herself.
Most recently she went travelling and met a man in a developing country and started a relationship with him. She quit her job and moved out there to be with him. She was there three months, she was unhappy the entire time which was so hard to hear. He treated her terribly but she so badly wants to be in a happy relationship that she just put up with it - until he finally threw her out... because of her drinking! So now she’s back home with my Mum. Refusing to leave the house because she is so sad... but now arranging to have drinks out with friends in a few days. She’s at my mums and my mum is now so worried about her coming back drunk (she cooks and falls asleep with the oven on). We are really at a loss with what to do or say. I came out of a horrid relationship a few years ago so she thinks I’m just a ‘bitter man hater’ and won’t hear anything I say to her about her needing to be happy with herself before she can find happiness with someone else. She is in complete denial that she has an issue with drinking. She thinks she has total control and we are all just boring. At 31yrs old she was out drunk and wet herself, she dried her piss pants under the hand drier and stayed out to drink more - apparently there’s nothing wrong with that. (Sounds hilarious I know, but with the history it’s just another thing to add to the list). The thing is that she’s got a very cold side, she can just turn her mood very quickly and turn the whole room sour. I love her, we all love her. We think she is beautiful inside and out. The alcohol is destroying her and any chance of happiness she has. She won’t listen. She’s not talking to me since she returned to my mums house because she doesn’t want to hear me talk to her about her stopping drinking... so she’s back at my mums with no job, won’t leave the house and is just planning on pissing away any money she has set aside from her job she had before she left. I’m not writing this to be mean or for any other reason than I dont know how to help her. What do we do? Surely we don’t just watch her continue to drink herself into an early grave? We can’t say anything as it turns sour and she refuses to see that she has a problem. My mum was thinking of going to an AA meeting herself but isn’t sure whether to do that if my sister won’t go herself and won’t listen to any advise then it’s a waste of time. Please help!

Nb: for the record (as I know some people take things the wrong way) I have no issues with people having a few drinks, or getting drunk... yes it’s fun, I only don’t drink because I acknowledge that I did have a drink problem and I just don’t trust myself to stop when I’ve had enough. I acknowledge that not everyone who drinks has a drink problem.