Am I being selfish?

Anonymous

Am I being selfish?

Ok so I've been with my partner for 9 years we have 2 kids 5 & 3.
He is an ice addict over the past 4 years I have suffered 3 years ago we split for a few months as he took off and was cheating on me. Before that I suffered, I lost contact with all my friends and went through a lot of his mind games and was so alone.

When we split I managed to reconnect with my friends and still have contact with them till now.
In the past year I studied and have got a job, he is very unreliable but suprisgly has been around to watch the kids while I go to work otherwise I wouldn't be able to go not sure how long this will last as previously when I've been employed I've had to leave my job because he disappears.

I'm quite aware that he cheats but can't prove it. Sometimes he does well but I'm caught in this cycle where he does well then he goes back to the same things.

I feel as though I'm moving forward and I do love him but I feel like he is holding me back. When he is home we don't have much in common I want to enjoy life as a family and I would like to save buy a home and all the rest.

I have got my kids in swimming and extra sport activities to keep them active which he rarely comes to it's almost like he has no interest.
I've come to the point where I feel like he is the anchor on this ship. And I express these things to him but I feel as though at the times I talk to him he either is completly pissing in my pocket or just falls asleep. What do I do?
I'm so over his lifestyle I want the best for my kids but he is so inconsistent he dissapears for days on end. We go on a holiday next Thursday for a week would it be selfish of me to explain once we come back he either changes or leaves?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

12 Replies

Anonymous

You just tell him to go! Sorry you are not being selfish. He is an ice addict and is not safe to have around. It's time to finish this toxic relationship and move forward in your life.
Your children are learning that this is how relationships work. By staying in this relationship you are teaching them that it's normal for dads to be disinterested and disappear. Not healthy for them or you.
Never believe anything an ice user says. If he tells you, you are selfish it's the exact opposite!

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Anonymous

I don't think you need to explain and give more chances. It's already time to leave. He cheats, he's all round pretty scummy, you don't need an excuse to leave. All the promises to make it work after cheating, all his hard work, the small changes, that doesn't mean you HAVE to stay, that's just the phase 2 of not being able to leave a shitty relationship.
If you're not happy, and you're not happy, with solid reasons, you should leave.

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Anonymous

Honestly? From someone who has been there and lived with an ice addict.... yes tell him things change or it’s over but be prepared to back it up and end it if he doesn’t work on getting himself better. Things won’t change unless you stand your ground. If he doesn’t change then he’s made the decision for you - and the consequences are on him so he doesn’t get to come back and make more empty promises. Don’t give an ultimatum unless you are willing to follow through because every time it’s showing him that you’ll just stay. Sorry you’re in this situation - Please take care of yourself.

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Anonymous

You’re not being selfish, but being brutally honest you’re being naive and irresponsible. This man shouldn’t be left alone to look after your kids and isn’t going to change. Pack his bags and send him on his way, stop such toxicity bring in your children’s daily lives and especially yours!!!!

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Anonymous

I'm worried ICE use has been normalised in your eyes by the man you love. Its really dangerous! Please don't leave your children in his care.

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Anonymous

Sweety, hes an ICE ADDICT!!!
All he cares about is ICE. The best thing you could do for yourself and your children is leave this junkie and have a healthy safe life without feral drugs.

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Anonymous

Only have to read two words, ice addict (if he continues to use, he will escalate, not if, but when). You are not selfish but you are being ignorant and possibly negligent leaving the children in his care. The reality is, if someone finds out about his habit, you could potentially lose your children. You have a choice, risk your children being hurt or ending up in the foster care system (could you ever forgive yourself) or ditch the addict, seems pretty simple when you put it like that. Good luck, you and your children deserve so much better.

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Anonymous

Also, childcare is extremely cheap as a single mum, there's no excuse to keep him around.

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Anonymous

I am a single Mum, I pay $65 a day after rebates. Same as all my married friends. You don’t get anything different for being single

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Anonymous

Thats weird. When I was single I paid like $14 a day. Maybe it depends on the child care centre, how much you earn, etc

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Anonymous

I paid very little also, you must earn more than your married friends to be paying the same as a single mum.

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Anonymous

Oh FFS, time to move on my friend! He’s the bloody selfish one! Make a life for you and the kids away from this lying cheating junky. You’ve given him enough chances. End it

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