I've just turned the big 50 and feel sad and let down by people who I thought were important in my life, particularly by my friend of 43 years. She didn't even find the time to call and say Happy Birthday much less bother sending a card. Hubby and I drove 12 hours to attend her 50th birthday bash, paid for overnight accommodation and drove home again. I'm happy to make the effort for someone I considered special to me. I feel silly for letting this upset me so much when I know I have so much good in my life; a loving husband, 2 great adult children and a couple of close siblings. The thing is I've now realised I don't have friends... only acquaintances and sometimes that really sucks!
3 Replies
You don't have to accept it. It's not the end, you've realised a need, make it your new challenge to go out and fill it (gently of course, it takes time and can't be forced and can be depressing, but get out and do the things you love, put yourself out there and you'll find them.
You don't.
Sometimes friends suck, get selfish (for their own reasons and sometimes it's even warranted for their own mental health) or just have so much shit going on that they miss it on the day then feel bad so don't call because then it's more obvious that they know you know they missed it and so on and so on. Reach out and see if your friendship needs reinvigoration or if it's past the use by. I spent a few years away from my best mate, there for her when she reached out and said she needed me but otherwise stayed at arms length and loved from afar while she was trying to destroy herself. I had a young son at the time and it was not the world I was willing to have touch him. That same friend just drove over 3000 km in 4 days to be here for my birthday.
Other than that, all friends were just acquaintances once. Is there no-one in your group that you think you got to know them better would be some bloody top chicks? What are you interested in? Put yourself out on the market with like minded people, opportunities to make friends rarely just happen.
I know this exactly, I thought I had a few really good friends, a couple of them for almost 50 years and as I was the one making all the effort to keep in touch I decided to back off just to see what would happen and nothing has happened and I mean nothing, no calls, no text, no facebook messages, no visits, it's been almost 2 years. It can be a painful experience and I've shed a few tears but I've learnt to enjoy my own company, go out on my own. Yes I get lonely sometimes but at least I don't have to worry about anyone but me. Chin up hopefully your friend gets in touch soon.