I'm just after some tips on how to encourage and improve a little 4 year old boy. I've taken on a little boy who seems to only be at the age of a 3 year old possibly even not quiet at a three year olds level.
He speaks like a baby. Probably no more than a few words in a sentence. Sometimes you may get the odd sentence that has a couple of extra words but generally only a few word sentences. He still holds a pencil like in a grip and he can only scribble. He can't use scissors, struggles to play with play dough (can't form shapes with the play dough etc), just overall is behind. He is attending a kindy but I can see he struggles already in the kindy environment. And talking to the teachers they can see he is way behind where he should be. I have a child somewhat close in age and the difference is a lot. Even seeing other kids his age you can notice the big difference. He can't spell his name, he can't say the abc.
I just want to know how I can help and encourage him to catch up. He is the sweetest little boy and I just want to see what's best for him and see him thrive. I'm just feeling a little lost because I've had my daughter from the start and she grew up learning all these things. So I'm finding it hard to know how to encourage and help him improve. He won't copy/sing along with me singing the abc or copy how to spell his name. Even reading him books he reminds meof someone much younger with his response and book choices.
Does anyone have any helpful tips or something they have used to help their child improve or catch up?
Edited to add: I don't expect him to learn these things over night. It's more that it's a struggle to get him to join in with things eg singing along to songs that are more for younger kids or nursery rhymes. He doesn't want to join in and do that so I'm struggle to find ways to help and encourage him
17 Replies
You have to lower the bar, forget knowing the abcs, pencil grip,writimg his name. Start wjere you started with your girl, singing together,enjoying,getting the rhythm.
sounds like he also should be in OT or doing some play that helps develop motor skills.
but i would say your job is enjoyment and confidence.
Oh I don't expect him to learn these things over night. I just will be singing with my daughter and try to encourage him to sing along but he doesn't ever Join in. He has access to loads of stuff to help him explore. And we have lots of different things like playdough, books, puzzles, my house actually is similar to a daycare we have way too much stuff but a lot of different things for him to do.
I was just a little stuck as he doesn't want to join in with the singing etc so I'm finding it a little tough to know what to do.
Its probably realy daunting for him going into this world that is way out of his league and having mum and kid (that can do so much more 'better' than you) expect you to fit in. Im sure youre doing wonderful for him, just take it slow and let him be himself too, fine just as he is, in his comfort zone. One on one time, conversation will get him everywhere, praise and compliment him and let him play with all the things you can expose him to. Youre doing a great thing for this little boy.
I try not to compare or show ones better than the other. I do my best to treat them the same.
I sure do let him just be himself 😊 I don't want to make him feel like he isn't good enough. I've just tried to introduce things to help him in a general way. Like singing songs or ill ask how his day was or what he did. I try to ask him what things he likes that someone younger would Like eg trucks Thomas Peppa pig. I do strongly encourage the use of words instead of grunting or pointing to things. Because he does know the basics and saying can I please have a drink instead of saying "drink". I'll say you need to ask properly "can I please have a drink", "please open the door" instead of "open" or "open door" or whatever it is he is asking for. I do remind him how to ask not just say ask properly. I'll say we need to ask Nicely like this "can I please have a drink"
I've just felt a little lost because it's all new for me too. I didn't expect to feel so out of my depth with what to do if that makes sense?
Yes it sounds like this is the first young one for you and hes an extreme case. It sounds like youre doing a beautiful caring role with him, spot on, dont doubt yourself! He, and you, can only do what you can do. Be on his side, fight for his extra support, trust in yourself, you got this xxx
Lower the bar. You can’t start at where he should be. You have to start at where he is at. Lots of praise for trying things and lots of play. If he is choosing books that’s awesome. Let him choose and engage.
He most likely comes with a whole world of emotional baggage and possibly hasn’t had much attention or even access to these activities. Giving him attention, time and access to these activities is a huge step up. He’s also probably scared of making a mistake.
He’s also most likely scared and timid (even if he isn’t showing it) so allow him time to find his feet, and get comfortable.
Think about the developmental age he is at now and parent him from there.
I know he won't learn these things over night and I don't expect him too. It was more that I'm struggling to get him to join in with things that will help him develop. Like won't sing along to songs Iike incy wincy etc. he just doesn't want to join in.
I can't go into detail but his home life most definitely didn't encourage these things. He also said his mum told him he's still a baby so he thinks he is which is half my battle because he thinks he's a baby.
Praise is a big thing and I do that a lot.
I've just made it a routine a book a bed time. If he doesn't want to chose I tell him I'll pick one. That makes him change his mind and races to find one he wants! I encourage him to pick himself though.
I'm guessing you're a foster carer, you have to keep in mind most of these kids haven't been taught these things by their parents so definitely lower the bar as the above comments have said. I'd be getting him into speech therapy asap and just as much one on one time with him as possible where you help him do these things. He will get there eventually.
I do know these children come from a different upbringing. I've had someone close foster for 20 years but generally older children so not much advise provided from them in regards to a younger child.
I'll be suggesting that he needs to have additional help and support from professionals as well. It was just trying to work out ways to encourage him as he doesn't want to join in a lot of things.
I am a teacher aide and do one on one with a few foster kids who are usually behind the other kids. One on one time is so important to them because they haven't gotten it from their bio parents. Usually they are hesitant at first because I guess they aren't used to it or maybe they got in trouble at home when they asked their parents to do stuff. So you just need to keep trying and reassuring that it's ok.
Good luck with it all :)
Thanks i definitely won't be giving up. It'll be tough but the rewards will be amazing. I do try to do one on one. Story time is his special time too. I work too so finding one on one time is a bit tricky but I do try my best to have some one on one time.
Thanks for your advise and encouragement 💕
It definitely is worth it in the end :) I don't have foster kids myself but I love seeing them (well seeing all students) improve. I feel so proud just like I do with my own kids.
my little man aged 4 is behind in many of the same ways- with the pencil grip you have to build up the muscles first so we did lots of things like shaving cream in the shower first with fingers, than paint brushs - sometimes added food colouring to shaving cream when he started to bore of that. Drawing with chalk outside like roads for his cars. paper football for flicking.
i also if you can get him into a paediatrician to have assess fir any delays and referrals to OT.
Maybe you need to think outside the box to engage him, make games of etc. Keep in mind that this whole learning thing is probably a foreign concept for him too so it may take some time and adjusting of strategies etc. It sounds like he hasn't had the best start to life and very little opportunity to just be a kid.
At 4, kids learn by playing and exploring. I wouldn't be too concerned about him not being able to spell his name, use scissors and his pencil grip. He'll learn these things at school, especially pencil grip that can take years to develop correctly. I'd just focus on the absolute basics.
Some things I used to do with my kids were:
Lining up hotwheels cars and counting them when they 'drive off'.
Playing I spy (for example 'I spy something green' or 'I spy something that makes a "sh" sound'
Using pegs, threading pasta, puzzles, blocks etc that encourages fine motor development.
Reading, reading and more reading! Even if you think he's not paying any attention he his taking some of it in.
Sensory play- shaving foam, finger painting, making mud pies, cooking, water play.
Educational apps and tv shows.
Educational CD's to play in the car.
In addition to these suggestions, I think it may be wise to start looking into some professional help.
Rather than a wait n see approach, I urge you to take him to a Paediatrician for a full assessment process by a speech therapist, occupational therapist and a psychologist.
All these appointments and assessments take time, I have to wait 9 months to see our private Paediatrician, the public wait is even longer, so the sooner you get started the better. Then I'd look at starting school as late as possible. Spend as much time in early intervention as possible, set him up for success. And just being a kid without any 'schooling' pressures. If he's anything like my boys he'd be good at building stuff, playing outside on the swing, in the sandpit and playing with cars.
For now, just follow his lead, see what he's interested in and build from there. Play with sand, rice, water, kinetic sand, plasticine/theraputty, all these tend to calm and can at times help if done prior to any fine motor activities i.e. Drawing, threading, painting.
Get audio books, and read to him even if he's doing something else. My son explained that by doing something with his hands it helped him listen and understand the story better.
Maybe write a simple story about the child, with his help, have him illustrate it (if he wants) or you do it if he agrees to it. Help him take ownership over the whole project. Read it regularly, even if he doesn't appear to be focused or listening, I guarantee he is!
When my now Mr 7 was starting kindy he was about 18 months behind his peers. With the help from occupational therapy and vision therapy for a year he was keeping up with his peers. After another year he was on par with the class ahead of his at school. Give him time, love, support, and if necessary don't be afraid of seeing professionals for some extra help. The best thing for our little fella was putting him into swimming lessons. It built up his core strength and helped him to sit still at school and focus better. He totally sucks at swimming still, but he enjoys it and helps him a lot. When we stop swimming lessons over winter the change in him is dramatic, we can't wait for the weather to warm up to get him back to swimming!
We were in the exact same position and had the almost exact 4yr Old join our home, 16months ago. She was removed due to neglect and DV. her speech was very limited and she couldn’t walk properly, didn’t know any nursery rhymes and really didn’t know how to ‘play’ with dolls etc. The only thing she could relate to was the cartoon channel. My best advice is to just give it time. Give him all the love and attention he needs and you will be amazed how this alone, will be the difference. And the confidence behind him he will excel. He should be entitled to assessments for OT, Speech etc at no cost to you, it’s done through the public health system) (our agency set it up) but surprisingly with the typical wait list by the time we finally seen the OT she had picked everything and we haven’t needed to see them again. She is currently at speech and improving each week. Honestly, although there are a few issues (relating to trauma, and issues regarding her behaviour, because of the trauma she has suffered, this can affect brain development) this little one has flourished in so many ways it’s unbelievable. Shes more than ready for kindy next year. Just remember time and patience, keep involving him in at home activities and eventually he will get there. Yes there’ll be other issues, like what we’re experiencing at the moment, but your doing great... good luck :)