My 4 year old girl is putting her hands on her private parts when im helping her get dry after a bath and tries to move it, she thinks its funny and wants to make me laugh. But I dont like it so I tell her thats rude please stop. While reading a bed time story she wasnt paying attention and put her hands there again and does this weird thing trying to move it, she finds it funny... and i think she likes that she is getting a reaction from me. She's my first child and am not sure how to approach this, i just want her to stop. Im not sure me saying "thats rude" is correct. Like, if she wants to do that alone go for it! Just dont do it to get attention... any ideas on how to approach this? What to say to her? She's the type of kid that if I said "dont touch your vagina in front of me" she'd just go nuts yelling vagina, vagina, vagina and then do it even more just to get under my skin. Does my head in sometimes lol
7 Replies
Don't tell her it's rude, tell her it's private. I'd also suggest simply ignoring it if you think she's doing it for a reaction or ask her to go do it in private (like her room).
It's also completely normal for them to enjoy it, because it feels nice and they're curious about their bodies. This isn't behavior you want to shame or discourage, just try and educate her on the appropriate time and place.
Just say something like "oh, we don't do that in front of people. Maybe do that when I leave the room" and if she does keep going ignore it.
It's similar to my child recently saying "fuck sake" (yep, I am a potty mouth mum) and I explained to him that it's a naughty word, I shouldn't really say it and that I don't want him to say it. And he started to pull us up every time we swore but would also come up to me and saying "fuck sake fuck sake fuck sake fuck sake fuck sake fuck sake" just to get a reaction from me so I started to ignore it. I knew I'd explained it well, I knew he knew it's bad to say and know he was just doing it for the kick. ........... and now he doesn't say it.
I will add that I wouldn't use the words rude or anything for this situation. I'd just say we don't do it in front of people, for private time, in your bedroom, please don't do that here, go off to your bedroom if you'd like to do that.
Its totally normal, I have two girls and theyre forever playing with vaginas and bums, its the funniest thing to them. I eventually tell them to stop it and put clothes on.
I think break it down into small steps, so first name it. Thats all, yes your vagina. Could name her whole body while you dry her so you can move on. Then tell her about private parts, where our underwear covers is private and only for her to touch and we never touch or show that to other people. But mine still do it at home I dont stop them I think its pretty normal.
Little girls play with themselves as much as little boys do!
Tell her that it's for in private only.
I would just completely ignore it and distract her. If you're reading her a book, just say "are you listening to the book or not? I'll keep reading once you're looking and listening properly." Give her a teddy or something to cuddle while you read? I wouldn't say it's rude - you're right in thinking that's not the best way to deal with it. If you think she's doing it to get a reaction from you, simply don't react. Just ignore it, and if she insists on trying to get your attention that way, just say "I'm bored with that, do something else to entertain me. Read me a book or sing me a song." or whatever :)
Great that you are reflecting about a good way. It's important that girls get the message it's good to feel good about your body. She likes the feeling, that's natural. As with other posters I think it's useful to say it's fine to touch your body the way that feels good, but your private parts are just for you. Try not to make a big deal about it. Please don't tell her her clitoris is her vagina. It's the wrong body part. We wouldn't say belly button instead of nipple. It's not fair that girls don't get to know anything about the parts of their body that gives most of us the most pleasure. I was so confused as a teenager about where the clitoris was cause everyone called that bit a vagina.