My partner of 8 year is away overseas for the long weekend for a work related trip. The company has given him and another college (woman) an allowance for the trip and so prior to the trip they decided that they would get a shared accommodation to save money. The accomodation has separate rooms which is fine and I was OK with this as I trust my partner but I told him that I'm fine with it as long as he is sure that if roles were reversed he would be happy with me staying with a male colleague. He decided that he would prefer me to stay in my own accom so he went to book a single room but by this stage the rooms had tripled in price so he is now staying in the shared accommodation. Since arriving, to get around they decided to rent a motorbike (one bike to share) to once again save money on taxi's. This makes me a little annoyed as I we spoke about our relationship boundaries before the trip and it feels like he is knowingly ignoring them. That was last night and I just sort of let it go but then today he has posting picture of him at his work event and one of the pictures is of his college sleeping (in a public place not bedroom) and this has just infuriated me. Isn't it weird he's taking pictures of her sleeping? Am I being unreasonable? I really don't believe he would cheat on me but it's more the fact that we have set boundaries for our relationship and I feel like he is crossing over all of them and making me feel super uncomfortable. Am I overreacting? Sometimes I honestly can't tell.
5 Replies
I actually don't think you are over reacting. This would make me uncomfortable too. And I'm normally really cool with work trips and opposite friendships.
It's like they are acting just 'too familiar'.
I agree if you and he have discussed boubdaries and now he is ignoring those boubdaries that would piss me off no end.
I suspect nothing is actually going on between them because nobody would be stupid enough to post that pic if something was actually going on between them!
If I was there BOSS I'd be dragging them into the office when they get back and discussing professional behaviours while on work trips!
I think hes doing ok... Nothing too bad, its obviously a shit situation and he shouldnt actually be doing any of it, you can let him know youre really upset about and jealous and unhappy about all of it - sharing bikes, sharing rooms, all of it and he better make it up to you and it better never happen again otherwise then you know hes doing it on purpose.
These things probably wouldn't bother me but if they made you uncomfortable you guys need to talk about it.
Just for a different perspective though, my other half is a supervisor at a hotel and colleagues who come in on business trips almost always share suites (suites usually have 2 or more sleeping areas, theyll just share a bathroom) because it is significantly cheaper, a lot of the time they just share a double room (literally a room with 2 beds).
The motorbike did have me raising my eyebrows a tad but because it seems like an inefficient mode of travel for 2 people. Just seems silly lol
And the photo, was it a take the piss kind of picture, like "look at her, asleep on the job" or was it more intimate...
"She looks adorable when she sleeps" kind of thing? If it was more like the latter I'd understand your irritation.
Like I said, tell him these things made you uncomfortable and maybe you both need to have another discussion about things you feel to be acceptable or not. Just so you're on the right page.
Yes Im also wondering what country theyre in. Im thinking asia somewhere, so then Im also thinking the hugely inflated cost of rooms is a copout.
It is definitely common for travel budgets and then you pay if you go over. So saving on accomodation and fares is common as the less of your own money you spend the better. Taking photos of your colleagues is definitely normal and if it's a classic picture of someone asleep that's priceless. You have to have some fun on a work trip as it's mostly work related. You have to evaluate whether it's your own insecurities, a bit jealous of your partner being overseas and having fun without you and this is a totally normal feeling or if you generally don't have trust in your relationship.