15 year old and marijuana, perhaps depression?

Anonymous

15 year old and marijuana, perhaps depression?

We have had a few difficulties with my middle child, nearly 15 over the last couple of years, mainly behavioural and getting in trouble at school – talking back, refusing to do what he was told, etc.

Although he is continuing to waste his time at school, this year (in particular over the last few months) our problems have become more serious.

At first we caught him out a couple of times drinking but I am pretty he doesn’t really enjoy a drink. Marijuana seems to be his thing. I initially thought that he might just by ‘trying’ it, but the last couple of weeks it’s been confirmed that he is definitely smoking every time he can get his hands on it. We are continually finding bongs, papers, etc in his room. He is also terribly moody. It’s not that often we see him in a good mood, and if we do, we find out later it’s because he’s been about to score. He started getting stuff from people at school, but from I can get from his phone (when I can access it), he has been referred to people outside of school, even asking them to ‘drop-off’. Am also not sure where he is getting the money. Probably taking some money from our wallets….

On more than several occasions, he just refuses to get up for school and as I can’t physically pick him up I have had to leave him in bed all day. We have asked him not to use any social media in his room, in fact we went so far as to remove his door, but he just put it back up when my husband wasn’t around and only I was home.

He runs away often if we try to pull him up, only for a few hours, but enough to make me totally stress out. I feel like we are continually walking on eggshells, because if we say something to set him off, he will be gone.

Last night was probably the worst night. We found some paraphernalia hidden in his mattress (again) and asked him to come out of his bedroom because he wanted to talk to him. There was no raised voices, but obviously knew he had been caught, so went out his window and left about 5 pm last night. I messaged him and he told me that he hated himself and hated his life. He sat by himself for a few hours in some bushland nearby before making his way to his girlfriend’s house. We know this because he messaged me to tell me where he was going we tracked him on his phone (we don’t know exactly where his girlfriend lives and didn’t know how to contact the parents). He got home at 5 am this morning. It seems like he has the upper hand at our house at the moment, but we are really at a loss of what we can do. He replied to most of my messages so I am assuming that it might be a cry for help? On the other hand I am also pretty sure he tells me what I want to hear most of the time and then goes and does exactly what he wants.

We can’t possibly have him coming and going at his leisure and disrespecting us, but on the other hand, we also can’t just let him go.

We are an otherwise happy family. There is nothing going on, ie domestic violence, drinking, drugs, etc that should make him unhappy. He has and older and younger sibling who are both totally fine and would never dream of behaving like that.

We took him to see a psychologist last year which seemed to make a bit of difference in his behaviour and I have booked in to see him again starting later this week, but would appreciate any tips, as we are literally at our wits end.

Posted in:  Behaviour

3 Replies

Anonymous

I don't have any advice but you could literally have just written about my brother, word for word.
The fact that you're getting him professional help means you're on the right track, this has gone beyond what you can deal with on your own.
My brother never got the help he needed, he's 22 now, couch surfed since he was 16, has a criminal record and I'm fairly sure he gets on harder stuff now too.
Don't give up on him!

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Anonymous

I also have a brother like this but he's 33 and things haven't improved much since he was a teenager. It's very sad.

The one thing I can recommend is that whatever you do in terms of helping him, setting limits etc you do it as a family and both parents are involved. I think in my families case my mum was doing all the heavy lifting, trying to get him help and stop him smoking and dad was basically in denial/avoiding the situation. It didn't work. Both parents have to stick together on this one.

We too are an otherwise happy, healthy and functional family. No environmental risk factors but my brother did struggle academically (dyslexia) and socially at school, which definitely contributed.

If your son has any obvious strengths really encourage them. If he's good at sport, school, with practical things, whatever!! Just focus on his strengths. He's probably smoking because he is feeling low and it is a coping mechanism for whatever is bothering him.

A good child and youth psych will be useful too. Even if he doesn't want to go (don't force it if he's not ready) you could and get some help on managing the situation on a day to day level.

Maybe also just try to talk to him about why he's using and make it more of a conversation than a taboo subject or a fight. It will help things enormously if he feels like he can talk to you without getting in trouble

Do set some limits about smoking in his room though. It's gross and as someone whose parents house still smells like weed now, put a stop to it early. Even if he smokes it outside, don't let bad habits stick!

Good luck, I really hope this is just a phase for your boy.

Xx

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Anonymous

Get in touch with ELMH. They may be able to help. Did wonders for my family. It's hard but don't give up. There is light at the other end.

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