Step parenting

Anonymous

Step parenting

Not a question, Just saying: if your not a step parent you don't know what the hell your talking about when you comment on step parenting questions! Every time there's a bunch of high horse riders having a go at the op who's the step parent. Enough already!!!! It's fucking hard! Especially if the child resents you or is too young to remember how shitty their life was before you! We don't ask for help just to be told we're the bad one, we ask because we love these kids and want everyone to be happy. So please let up on the step parent hate. Also I'm sorry if your step parent was an ass!! Doesn't mean we all are:)

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Parenthood Guilt, Kids

15 Replies

Anonymous

Firstly I am not a step parent. However my husband sorta is lol(my kids dont know their bio dad and my hubby is just dad). Both my sisters are step mothers and hands down after some of the convos Ive had with one of them over the years you guys have it sooo much harder than bio mums and dads. My other sister has a beautiful relationship with her step child and their mother. But oh my lordy lord my other sister...she has been to hell and back. Fortunetly for her now she too has a beautiful relationship with her steppy even calling her mum and now lives with her and her husband but it has taken a shitload of time, money and effort and step parenting is only for the very strong and very brave. I hope whatever you are going through gets better xx

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Anonymous

I never ever want to be a step parent. It's much harder than being a bio parent.
It's an extremely hard path to walk.

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Anonymous

We take each one at face value! I think the one that went to Facebook today shows that as she certainly got the support she deserves. The condescending step mum who does hair better, the one that refuses to let her step daughter sleep with a light on, the one who grounded her niece from attending the formal for leaving home at 6.00 pm, the one that wants the father who already knows he may not be the father to take a DNA test, the one in a new relationship that was annoyed her partner couldn't go anywhere due to caring for his young boys are just a few examples of why step mothers are getting a bad name on this page. My son has a step mum and we have never had any issues and I never had an opinion on step mums to ne honest, but from what I have read from this page, I see where the label "evil step mother" comes from.

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Anonymous

You see where the label 'evil step mother' comes from after reading some posts on a page called IMPERFECT MUMS?
Seriously.
For every example you gave I can guarantee there are bio mums with the same issues in reverse.
I'm a step mum and in my experience it should be 'evil bio mums' because she's caused so much shit and uses the kids as pawns.
I'm happy you have had no issues with your sons step mum but it might be more to do with you allowing and maybe even encouraging him to accept her in his life.
Don't underestimate the capacity of the bio mum. It's actually really sad and cruel what some of them will do.
I could go on but I won't. I just thought you were a bit harsh.

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Anonymous

I'm not in any way saying bio mums or step mums are evil or not, it is not a competition and both can be arseholes, I could name some bio mum stories too. What my point is, is that the op wrote a combative post criticising the responses to step mums and I am defending the imperfect mums on here who just comment based on content, not whether it is a step or bio mum. Whatever type of mum you are, if what you post is triggering to the mums on here or people are looking out for the child involved, the responses may not be what people want to hear and appear harsh. Yes you are also correct, I encourage my son to respect his step mum and I am sure that makes all the difference.

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Anonymous

There was actually a post a while ago about a bio mum who was dating a registered sex offender and all of the responses were negative (of course). It's really not a step mum vs bio mum issue as both can be bad and both can be wonderful. We can only judge by the content written in the post.

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Anonymous

I have found it really hard to adjust to, feel a little disrespected and treated like I am in "their" house. It's hard to say things to them as you would your own kids. Am learning and we are getting there but definitely hard. Makes me appreciate my own step dad even more!

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Anonymous

I get treated like shit my partner doesn't discipline them. I say my house my rules but they just run a muck & disrespect me. My son is starting to learn bsd behaviour arrrhhh I'm at a loss atm.

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Anonymous

Honestly I see it from both points of view. Some step mothers post here with genuine concerns, are obviously very caring and have the children's best interests at heart. Others seem to want to pick petty battles or a having a whine about bio mum, I saw one a while back that was complaining about nail polish and the way bio mum did the kids hair, I mean seriously !?
I had several step mums growing up (my dad was incapable of sticking with relationships apparently) only one of them ever made us feel welcome and loved, I only knew this lady for a short time but I always appreciated her kindness only now as an adult with my own children do I realize how tough it must be to be a step parent and you know what? Not everyone is cut out for it. It takes a special kind of person to take on and love someone else's child unconditionally.

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Anonymous

I'm a step mum and it's hands down the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
It's hard to explain.
It's like the kinder I am the more the step kids don't like me. The more I try the more I'm ignored.
The labels step mothers get don't help. They have to work even harder to overcome them. Then there is the hypocrisies. Step mothers are told they're over stepping when they are involved in their step kids lives and yet step dads are told they're stepping up. Why is that?
When I became a mother I felt incredible love. I would take a bullet for my child without thinking. When I became a step mother I didn't feel that. I mean I felt indifferent. It was like... it's just another kid to me. I felt guilty for feeling that way. And then the step kids don't even like me so... and their mother holy crap let's not go there.
It took a long time to develop a 'love' for them and honestly it's not the same love I feel with my bio kids. I think that's ok ?
In today's society with over one third of marriages ending and many parents repartnering you'd think that step parents would be more respected and acknowledged? Nope. The statistics of second marriages ending in divorce is even higher than first marriages. I wonder why?
Yup. Step parenting is very hard ?

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Anonymous

Some of the posts I see from step mums really do make me want to smash my head...I saw one that was a mum complaining because her hubby's ex had to drop her 3 kids off at a time she "had" to bathe her twins...like really? How hard is it to bath them later and open a door for your step kids???
Also yes I saw the one about the step mum complaining how the mum did her daughters hair as well. Like...really...
But I have also seen some lovely ones from step mums who clearly care about their step kids and aren't complaining about stupid stuff. I also saw one from a bio mum who was wondering how she could keep seeing her sex offender boyfriend without her daughters dad reporting her! ALL of the responses were negative (of course). We can only judge on the content we are given, it's got nothing to do with whether they are step mums or not.

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Anonymous

I don't have a problem with step mums really. They must have it tough. What I don't like is step mums who jump in like they're some sort of hero and start calling the children their own from day one. Posting family photos up calling them their own. They have a mum... My mum was a single mum but had my dad taken part custody and had girlfriends pushing themselves on me I would have told them to fuck off I had a mum. Sometimes step mums need to calm down a little and go slowly. Wait till the kids decide if they want to call you mum or not

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Anonymous

I think they often feel pressure from there new partner to be the new mum. I've certainly felt it from guys I've dated in the past. It became obvious very quickly that I was going to be doing ALL the childcare of his children and I would replacement mum, rather than step mum who supports dad with his parenting. There is a huge difference between the two.

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Anonymous

From most of the step mother stories, you know who is mainly the problem, the "father". He doesn't step up and allows the kids to treat the step mum like shit and she is expected to do everything. I have no idea why these women stay or don't get the vibe of the situation before they move in and try to blend their families. Kids are usually a product of their environment.

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Anonymous

Exactly!

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