Looking for a little advice of the wiser mums out there. Sorry if this reads a little funny.
Basically I'm unmarried (been together over 5years) and have a three year old. Currently a full time stay at home mum and absolutely loving it. My question is until very recently i said I'm waiting for marriage before we have a second child (religious background/traditionalist). My partner wants to get a house first then marriage. Due to being single income were not Saving much at all so that would put us at least five years away from having another child making my current one eight. However I've been bitten by the baby bug and want another one now.
So looking for advice on wether
A I should just have the baby (or two) and push house and marriage back further.
Or B wait until after house and marriage is done to then add to our little family. (How do big gaps work?)
Notes:rentals where we live are extremely rare we could end up with in laws :/ better of buying. And other half doesn't mind baby idea. But will not budge on his idea of a wedding (I'd be happy with backyard barbecue ).
Baby age gaps
Baby age gaps
Posted in:
Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler
15 Replies
We have a 3 year age gap between our kids and it totally works for our family. We sold our house, moved in with my parents (enough room) because I wanted to stay at home and have a second child and we are saving up more money for our second house. It's a very personal choice, it depends on what is more important to you. We want a third but now it's more important to us to get back on our feet, pay off our debts and get a house. I'm ok with having a large age gap (currently have a 5 yr and 2 yr olds) and the third could be 2-5 years away. My younger sibling and I have 13 years difference and we are so close. I don't really believe in "keeping siblings closer in age ensures they have a close bond" I think it depends on personalities, I have known people who have a 2yr age gap and they don't even talk to their brothers or sisters.
So my advice is if you really want a second and you're both ok to move into parents house (make sure there's enough space) then do it. I recommend getting the house before the wedding, but again it depends how important it is for you. We got married when our eldest was 2 yrs old and it was great having her in the ceremony, I kind of wish we waited until our second child was born and older but doesn't matter.
I'm not so much concerned about the bond she has an aunty and cousin similar age. I'm just a very maternal person feel funny not having a baby on my hip. My in-laws would never turn us down though it would be tight as I'd have two and she also has a young child (big surprise for her). Probably will just go with kids,house Marriage it's what my heart wants, possibly not the most logical especially in the short term but oh well.
Ok this is just MY experience, I am not saying anyone who does what my parents did is wrong. But I grew up with my parents saving, saving, saving to buy a house. My childhood was spent with no holidays, being jealous of my private school friends while I was at public school,none of the latest toys or clothes etc (which I got bullied for) because everything was put into owning a house...
So I decided to do things differently, my child goes to a private school, we go on holidays and she does get special gifts at Christmas or if she's done really well at school, things I never got.
I figure we have the rest of our lives to own a house, only a short time while our kids are still kids so I'm using the money on things like school and holidays for them now.
We all parent differently and no way is right or wrong but me personally I decided to push the house back and am not regretting that decision at all :)
My life to. I was one of eight so literally got a toilet seat one birthday cause our house needed one, was given more food by friends as I never had enough. Just stuck as there's a possibility we may not find another rental if we leave the one we're in. But thinking we probably will do the baby now while I'm already at home. Trying for pregnancy will be different the last one was a surprise
Oh I forgot to mention I have a 5 year age gap...it was very hard! I would prefer a smaller gap.
Good luck! Sending baby dust your way :)
If I fall pregnant soonly there will be nearly 4 years hoping it works for us.
It was mainly hard taking a newborn to school runs and school events, parades etc. But my two girls are very, very close and they rarely fight.
I think that's great that you have done that. I guess we all learn from our experiences as a child right? I learned that getting everything I wanted without even trying was the wrong way. I want to teach my children you have to work hard for what you want in life. But I think what you're doing is great in that you are teaching your children that life is for living! And to enjoy your children and experiences with them while you can because one day they are out that door and you are left with lots of lovely moments, experiences and love from your children :)
Thank you. I think it's great that we all have different ways of how we want to raise our kids and can still be supportive :)
If marraige is that important to you, don't budge. He sounds like the type to never get married.
I wouldn't be surprised he'll always find something "better to spend money on" but I'll eventually force him:) he's an absolutely amazing partner and father and deffinetly is my soul mate. apart from a slight stubborn streak with marriage he's deffinetly a catch?
This might come across as a little judgemental but I'm just wondering what was different the first time around regarding having a baby out of wedlock? Clearly you've done it once, why does it have to be different now to be able to have another? There's not much more committed that you can be if you've got a house, shared life and a child already. If you want another baby, have one; if it's vitally important to have a piece of paper and some rings binding you together, make that happen (go to the registry and get married). I feel like you want to have your cake and eat it too, and it sounds like that probably won't happen the way you want.
Spit out a couple of kids now, then you can get back into the workforce sooner and help save for the house. Marriage is just a legal document. Have a 'love party' in the backyard with your special little family, close friends and family
I don't think there's a right or wrong here..I wanted large gaps..4-5 yrs but life had other plans..mine are 7 and 5 yrs apart..so I have a 2,8 and 15 yr old...the best thing was having one home at a time which I have loved every minute of and lots of one on one while others at school :) I never wanted them all close so I could do that..security is important when having a family so as long as you have that I think you're fine..don't wait too long..biological clock and all that.
You've already had one without being married, that ships sailed, if you were really religious/traditionalist, you wouldn't have. Get all the babies over with, then you can get back to work and help get the house. Also, if the house was a priority, you would be working, at least part time like a lot of us. So to me it seems the babies are the priority for you at the moment, remember,you can have it all, just not at the same time.