I am really struggling at the moment to deal with my partner. We have 3 wonderful children together who I love more then anything. The issue is that he is driving me around the bend, he is lazy and when I ask him to do anything he goes about it the lazy way. Tonight he put our youngest in the bath without even checking the water first, and it was to hot for him and he was crying and my party couldn't understand why as he generally likes a bath. I don't know if it is just today that I am feeling like this. he never spends any time with any of us just lays on the couch either watching tv or playing on his iPad. Is this what happens after so many years or is it that he is just lazy he just won't do anything and I am really starting to hate spending any time with him as all we do is watch tv and he has his iPad in front of him. My rant is over now thanks for listening, I wasn't really asking anything just complaining.
2 Replies
Sounds like a lazy shit. I cant say ive ever gotten so comfortable over time that I havent bothered to bath my kids safely. Feel for you.
Could be lack of common sense? Does that sound like him in general?
Make him use a thermometer to measure the kids bath water temp if he can't judge it, he doesn't get out of doing shit because of ineptitude. It sucks having to do that little more thinking but sometimes you've just got to.
Make plans that don't involve tv. Is there a board game he likes from when he was a kid? Is there somewhere to go and something to do? Our evenings generally involve me on the computer and him reading a book, or me reading a book and him watching the telly but we make time to hang out together too, no books, no phones, maybe telly in the background if the footy is on to keep track of the score. We'll go out for dinner, go to a concert, host a BBQ in the backyard, go fishing, go camping, head to the pub to watch a band that some of our friends started - things we both enjoy.
Other times I've made plans for just me and our son with the option for my partner to attend. We were going whale watching, did he want to come? No. We were going gold panning, did he want to come? No. Going north to visit family? No usually, sometimes yes. I also regularly make plans that totally don't include him and he isn't invited to. Trips to the art gallery, the museum, a week at a time visit with my best friend, coffee with other friends, movies if it's one I want to see, the ballet, theatre, cultural festivals, farm/food festivals, farmers markets, concerts he wouldn't enjoy etc. Get out there and live your life, make plans for you both as a couple when it's shared interests and for you with or without the kids. I went to music festivals for almost 20 years without him before he came to one with me. I go camping maybe 1 time out of every 4 that he goes (more so because I work weekends but he still goes). It's all a big balancing act but I find generally we'll do nothing if he doesn't plan it (BBQ's camping/fishing) and we'll go nowhere if I don't plan it (dinner, concerts). Talk to each other, find some common ground and go from there.