I feel resentful within myself and achievements.
I'm a single mum to one, who's nearly 13. I'm nearing 30. I feel like I haven't achieved anything. I study full time at uni and due to the degrees intensity it's near impossible to find work. So I'm just focusing solely on uni.
I feel like I'm not fully done having children. I've always wanted a big family. I'm just not done. But I'm in no financial position to have one, nor would I put another child in the scenario which will impact the child I have now. + relationships are meh! The man I'm looking for doesn't exist and I'm tired of accepting second best and being treated badly.
Last year time I broke up with my partner for nearing on 9 years. I invested so much of myself into that relationship, but I couldn't trust him. + a bundle of other problems so I called the relationship off. It wasn't worth investing into something I was being taken on a joy ride with and he had broken my trust more times than I can remember.
I'm just not done. It's not me being clucky I'm fully aware I'm not done. It makes me miserable when I think about it, having another child needs to be off the cards.
I know I need to focus on finishing uni, getting work and quite possible could have a child. But I'll be in my mid 30's by then due to the length of the degree and my child would be close to finishing high school.
I have accepted on multiple occasions that having another child isn't going to happen and maybe with that I'm grieving the realisation.
I feel like I'm broken in many departments. I have no faith in men. Despite seeing multiple men who're genuine, but they have their own families. Which gives me hope.
I'm in no frame of mind considering dating for sometime. I haven't been on my own for awhile, previously jumping into one relationship after another. But like every single female, I have hope their is someone out there for me. Just not yet.
Feel this isn't a question and moreso a vent.
How can I stop the grieving and accept the fact that having more children isn't going to happen? I need to find a way to let it go, so I can get on with our lives, accept it and move on.
TIA for listening.
2 Replies
None of what you said tells me it's never going to happen.
Many people have babies in there late 30s and who cares how old your daughter will be. She won't be raising the baby so her age is irrelevant. My cousins were 17 and 20 when they got a baby sibling.
I think you are grieving what you thought your family would look like. Perhaps you imagined lots of little kids together?? Create a new dream, a new ideal family in your mind.
You're not even 30! Plenty of time to be having children. Easily another 10-14 years worth of fertility.
As for achieving nothing, you have! You've raised/raising a child, and studying to better your lives. What an achievement! Many people can't be bothered doing half of that.
Maybe instead of focusing on what you haven't achieved, focus on all the things you have.