Not asking just venting. The moment you realise that your friends dont invite you to nights out or day trips away. Makes you wonder if it would still be this way if it wasnt for the fact your a single mum. I support us. My child doesnt go without and i dont need my friends to help all the time. Quite the opposite. I dont catch up with them much at all due to life/work. Its not oftern i wish things were different but i do the best with what ive been dealt. Just wish my friends can look past the "single mum" stigma!!!
5 Replies
I get it. I've been feeling isolated myself. I'm a sole parent but of an adult son with disabilities who would need a carer for me to go out. Even though my friends no my situation intimately they only give me about 24 hours notice which isn't enough time to book paid workers. So I get to stay home.
It's hard.
Definitely have a chat to your friends though. I know at one point people stopped asking me to go away etc because they assumed I couldn't go. Make it clear you are available or can be available. Doesn't mean they will hear it, but give it a shot.
I'm a mum with kids with disabilities. Most of my friends have "normal" kids and will invite me out. I have a great support network and will say no unless it's at a time where I know they will be asleep for the night. I used to go out all the time.
Maybe you need to find yourself a new bunch of friends who are like you, that want to stay in and have a BBQ, movie and pop corn night, hang out at someone's house kind of night that plan an event a week or even 2- a month in advance. For me 24 hours notice is doable but I don't expect my support network to always be availiable with 24 hours notice either so some times I'll go and sometimes I'll decline. I don't think it's just because you are a single mum. They're could be many reasons. Have you declined multiple invitations, do you not get a long with some of the people in the group, do you always whinge about how hard it is to be doing it on your own, or how much of a dick your ex is. I've found that I won't bother with people even if they've been my friends for years because they're such negative people, they're always whinging about something, we aren't interested in the same things any more, they can remember more than I can because they don't throw back as much as I do (or used to), they don't drink or they're always on about how broke they are, or they're just bad drunks in general.
Maybe you've just grown apart from the group you were in. Putting yourself out there and making new friends isn't the worst thing you could do. You may even find yourself a new bestie out of it.
Thanks guys. Its not that i decline or anything. I get on with most people. I dont even get invited for dinners or anything. Im the last minute option. My closes friend in that group knows the issues with the ex but he isnt even worthy of conversation lol. Im under the impression that either they think i cant afford it or that i dont have a babysitter. Which i usually do. Maybe im just being a little sensative
Start inviting them out, see what happens. Sometimes I forget to initiate things and people get fed up.
I don't agree at all.. my best friend is a single mum and we try and invite her out to do things but I always feel stuck in the middle because I wanna spend time with her but my partner comes with us as we live alone and he has no friends I don't want to exclude him to involve her but it is hard to juggle at times and I am strategic when inviting her somewhere as either her or my partner are left sitting in silence because trying to involve them both is hard work!