Ive been in my step daughter's life for 10 years since she was 7... not with the father, i just hung around as their mother figure (3 kids in total) as their bio mother walked out and never came back before i met their dad.
The eldest is 15. She lived with me for a short while aftwr her father moved towns, and after not getting her way with a few things had a melt down and went back to her dads where she proceeded to make false accusations about me.
Fastfoward 6 mths....she has accused her father of being an abusive drunk/junkie and of sexually abusing her for 3 years. There are many holes in her story. Firstly her dad doesnt drink or do drugs (yes i know this for certain) he has never smacked the kids or any thing like that...we also share a son. These accusations all started when she was refused being allowed to stay at her boyfriends house the night until she turned 16..where she is now currently staying. When she first got with this boy her attitude changed... she started swearing, lying about being at a friends when she was at her boyfriends housw with her phone turnee off..whose father is an ice junkie..lying, stealing and even bashed her younger sister at school for not giving her icecream...etc. Before this she was a textbook "perfect " child.
Now im torn between trying to be supportive... ive seen many stories in which a person wasnt believed of their accusations and it caused more damage. However... personally i do not think her father would do this... his other daughter has denyed all allegations...his other son as well and the shared son adores him.
If these accusations were true... would she have wanted and asked to go back to her dads house after living with me? Would she constantly walk around his house in hardly any thing and at times just her underwear even after being repeatedly asked by her father and brother to put clothes on? Would be make comments about how she bets her father wishes his girlfriend had a body like hers? When she ran intoher father recently at the school she acted like nothing happened..and was going out of her way to try and talk to him even after he told her to leave him alone.
Child services and police are involved... police have cleared him and now just waiting for child services to finish their report.
I spoke to her on the phone a couple weeks back and i said to her if she is being honest then do what you need to do but if she is lying then she needs to be honest...she never said "no im telling the truth" she only ever said "i cant ill be charged"
Im not after nasty comments here please as this is a hard enough situation. Im after advice.. im so confused as to what to believe and do in this situation.
Any words of support or advice is welcome please.
7 Replies
This child needs counselling, pronto. IF she is lying, then she needs immediate help.
She is in couselling
All I know is that people who have been sexually abused as children don't always act rationally. For example my first serious boyfriend moved in with the man who had been molesting him since he was 12 at 18 years old. When someone has been victimised to a certain level they just don't think like people who haven't be. Things become truly twisted.
Now I'm not saying that her dad did molest her. It sounds like she is behaving as someone who something happened to her that shouldn't have done. It may turn out later that something happened but wasn't her dad. Because a perfectly mentally healthy child/teenager doesn't behave that way. From personal experience kids that know the 'things to say' have some experience in those things. Wether it's who they accuse or not.
So personally I'd be fully getting professionals involved and letting them sort this out and guide you in how to move forward.
PS the man that sexually abused my boyfriend his brother still declares that the guy was a fantastic guy and couldn't possibly have done anything wrong, despite other people coming forward. There is also loads of cases where only one child in a family is victimised.
All professionals are involved. Thank you for your insight though :-)
"If these accusations were true... would she have wanted and asked to go back to her dads house after living with me? Would she constantly walk around his house in hardly any thing and at times just her underwear even after being repeatedly asked by her father and brother to put clothes on? Would be make comments about how she bets her father wishes his girlfriend had a body like hers? When she ran intoher father recently at the school she acted like nothing happened..and was going out of her way to try and talk to him even after he told her to leave him alone."
Yes, an abused child would do these things
Not saying he did, but absolutely yes this behaviour can be indicative of abuse
Could it be possible that she's transferring the 'story' onto her father from something that has happened, or is happening, elsewhere - maybe at the boyfriend's house? Maybe even with the boyfriend? She's certainly calling out for help, but cryptically...
I doubt her dad has done anything of the sort but it's fairly obvious this girl has a lot of issues. What's her relationship like with her boyfriend? You said she's been exposed to drug use, is it possible that she's been dabbling in that. It's also possible that she's making these accusations against her dad out of anger, it sounds to me like she's harbouring a bit of resentment towards him, not to mention that she's probably dealing with abandonment issues caused by her mum. I'd just recommend continuing with counselling and try and get to the real root of the problem.