My partner won't keep a job. When I first met him he was working, had just landed the job, he threw it away because he was always 'sick'. At the time I had thought he actually was ill, but over time I realise the act would fade away an hour after he called in sick. (Think, like a child who is faking a sickie to get out of school and yet miraculously recovers). Next job, he was suffering from 'headaches'. Fired again.
I had some time maternity leave and we decided he could be a stay at home dad to our children, while I went back to work. This went on for years. Now as our children are at school, we decided he help contribute to the finances of the household so that we can actually move forward. He landed a job and one week in he is suffering from this time joint pain, muscle pain &a a sore back.
He will get fired again.
I should have known better, when we first met (11 years ago) he told me that his last places he worked at the bosses were arses, when he was hurt they didn't care. I thought, poor him!
Do you think this is reason enough to leave someone?
I am doubting that this isn't a "good" reason, that I should help him try harder, although he won't admit the fact he hates working. He would rather play video games, hang out with friends, play sport.
We are in a world of debt. I don't exactly earn a lot of money myself, what he earns at this job is double what I earn weekly. I am studying as well to secure a better future for myself, children and household, which will land me in a high paying job, I am worried when that happens he won't see an actual reason to even help contribute.
I'm confused.
Non-working husband.
Non-working husband.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
15 Replies
Good enough reason to leave in my eyes. He is not a partner. I have made friends who are stay at home dads. But they are busy with the children and housework. If the kids are at school they are volunteering in the classroom and canteen, and contributing. They are not sitting at home playing play station all day!
They aren't loosing jobs because they called in sick!
Being hit with the whole financial responsibility for the whole family? Because the other has a totally lousy work ethic. Uh yeah, most people wouldnt have made it one year let alone 11.
This would be a deal breaker for me. Such an unattractive quality not wanting to work. I would sit down and tell him not working is a deal breaker and you will leave. Let him know you are serious. Give him the ultimatum. Might be enough to give him the kick up the butt he needs.
My sister's partner is similar: hasn't had work in years and something health-wise always crops up when he starts a new job. He also suffers from anxiety, which we believe is the underlying reason for all of these physical issues. Before you write your hubby off as a deadbeat, consider his mental health and whether that might be the reason for all of his so-called illnesses. I suffered severe anxiety myself when I was younger (brought on, in part, by a particularly stressful job). I would feel so overwhelmed by the idea of going to my job that I would call in with various ailments.
Mental illness isn't something you can see and many suffering from anxiety or depression feel like their condition is not valid due to that. Some would make up excuses of other physical ailments, for sure.
I agree with this !
I am all for a woman stepping in temporarily and being financially responsible when the male can't (it is a partnership) but 11 years you have supported him! No female should be financially responsible for a male as if he was a dependant! Call a spade a spade honey and have a candid talk to him about this. I would be telling him that if he gets fired from this job you won't be supporting him anymore so unless he comes up with money for 1/2 the bills he will need to leave.
Bahaha, throws in a job because it hurts. I broke myself doing hard manual labour, learned well and stayed in the same industry at a desk job (thankfully as my shoulders and knees especially are all buggered). We get older, shit hurts, it's a fact of life. I agree, half the household bills (plus all of his own bills such as rego, car payments, fuel etc) or GTFO.
Who doesn't have better things to do than go to work? We still do it.
Interesting the responses we are getting for this post, remember the other day when the lady wrote in about her kids being at school and her husband wanted her to get some work. Hmmm....quite interesting!!
Yes the same thing occurred to me. But there were differences (there were two posts). One post there was name calling, and I understood from the post she was having difficulty finding a job, not that she didn't want a job, so different situation. Second one they were financially were ok and it sounded like a mutual decision between the couple.
I don't have a problem with either parent being stay at home, if that's what the couple decides as a team. i don't get that feeling at all. I think they decide to do something as a team and then he sabotages the team, like a team mate throwing a game. Fine if they can afford for him to be SAHP but it doesn't sound like they can afford it.
Completely different scenarios between all 3 posts.
It does really sound like he just doesn't want to work. I would be so annoyed as well. But before you jump to leave him just make sure it's not something bigger than just laziness. I know I get huge anxiety with new situations and the thought of a new workplace scares the hell out of me. I push through because I know I have to work as I want to be able to give my kids everything. But just make sure it's not something mental. He might also just really hate the work he does, maybe he needs a new industry??
If he's just lazy and he refuses to work, I would most probably tell him to 'shape up or ship out!'
It sounds like there could be some underlying mental health stuff going on , like depression !??
Or if he does have these medical ailments maybe there is something causing them ? I know u said he miraculously recovers but is he just feeling more able to do something after some rest !?
It actually made me think depression or something like fibromyalgia ...!? It's more common in women but men can get it too ...
Anyway all I'm saying is give him a push to go see a dr and talk about what's going on ... tell him your really frustrated and scared he'll lose another job and that you NEED him to figure out what's going on because you don't want to resent him !
Go to counseling together talk it out !! IF then nothing still changes then consider leaving . You by no means have explored all options yet .... it sounds more like your trying to find an excuse to leave and giving up
Hi. I'm the poster. I left him.
Hope youre doing well. Its a hard but right choice for you.
My partner was the same until he found a job he loved. He still winges but I left work to pursue a dream and he is the sole earner now. He realised how stressful it is now, realised what he expected of me the past 6 years and has really pulled his finger out. All I can say is nagging won't work, talking won't work. The only thing that will is patience until he finds somewhere he wants to be 8hrs a day. Make him a stay at home dad, give him household responsibilities, say you bring home the money and work 8hrs a day, so can he around the house.