What would you do?

Anonymous

What would you do?

What would you do in this situation?. ....NOT after any judgment please , just advice.
About 3weeks ago, I found out something and told my hubby not to come home.
It's been so tough on my boys!!!!......and highly emotional.
Anyway, during that time, I came across messages to a woman in which there was talk for him to go over there.
I message this woman , asking her if my hubby was there , and if they slept together. She replies a few days later with yes , she did sleep with my hubby.
I confront hubby and ask questions, and he is denying that he slept with anyone.
It's her word against his!!!!!........ what would you do???
For the sake of my kids , I want their father to be around to help out (both have diagnoses, and attend therapies ).....
Who do you believe? She's saying one thing , and he is firmly saying another!!!.

5 Replies

Anonymous

You already know what happened otherwise you wouldn't have contacted her for confirmation. Right? The must have been something in those messages that had BIG alarm bells ringing.
I think you believe the woman.
It's up to you what you do with that information.

like
Anonymous

You know hes guilty. Think about it does it really come down to penetration? The only time it does is when the partner wants to stay. First he didnt talk to her, then me did, then he didnt meet her, then he did. Then he didnt kiss her, oh he did, but he didnt sleep with her. It really doesnt matter, cheaters dont talk to other girls the not being loyal to you part happened and that doesnt normally change.
Youll get there with your kids. It takes time to eatablish, and he should still be around and parenting while separated, making that happen should be his priority. Definitely dont take him back when hes not even doing that on his own. Youll be right back to square one.

like
Anonymous

I would consider this, who has the biggest reason/motive to lie? Why would she lie? Why would he lie? Consider it rationally.

like
Anonymous

What was your first reason for asking him
Not to come
Home ? Was it cheating ? If so then believe the woman..... she has no reason to lie really .... he has your marriage and his kids as a reason to lie

like
Anonymous

Omg I'd have to know more, the when, where, how. If he's not telling the truth, I'd contact her again and see if she's willing to talk some more.

For me, the repair of trust would start with him being open and honest, that's if he's wanting to save the relationship, then there's counseling, separately and together, and then there's time. Who knows how long it could take, and it's OK to live separately while you're sorting through your feelings, but he still needs to parent affectively. He doesn't get to check out cos shit got real! You're hurting, and you still have to front up to parenting each and every day. You're the one left to help your kids through this emotional confusing time. And I'm betting you're doing a brilliant bloody job of it. So give yourself a pat on the back. Take it one step at a time. You may or may not get back together, only time will tell. How you feel now won't always be, but you both gotta put in the hard (therapy) yards!

like