My son started at a new school this year and for the first few weeks didn't have any friends.
He started talking about a group of 4 boys he's been friendly with as they like the same things. I was so happy because being the youngest in his group I find it's hard for him to be on the same social level as other kids.
But I've noticed his behaviour is changing. He doesn't listen at school and his teacher has been touch about him acting up or not listening in class. When I ask him about it he just says that he was playing with his friends and having fun.
Today at school drop off I had to meet with his teacher again and was observing as he played with his new friends before class. The "leader" ran right up to my son, grabbed him around the waist and wrestled him to the ground even though my son said stop and no a few times. I didn't want to interfere just yet and watched again as my son went to talk to one of the other boys and this first boy came over and grabbed my son's hands and begin to bend them backwards. I stepped in and redirected my son to complete his tasks before his school's assembly and my meeting the teacher. I went to speak with the teacher and heard a commotion and this same boy had my son on the ground again and was sitting on him. The teacher aide got involved and both kids were reprimanded for wrestling.
My son is an only child but has been in daycare and Kindy and playgroups so has been in social situations before, but he's always stayed away from the rougher kids in classes.
I don't want to interfere and want him to pick his friends and have those relationships but this one kid just is not sitting well with me. I feel like he's a bit of a bully but my son still calls him a friend. Am I just being one of those special snowflake mums or should I interfere and encourage my son to find friends elsewhere?
Also the other child's parents were there today and did not attempt to discouraged their child's behaviour.
2 Replies
How do you know these kids are the "bad" kids? Who are you to jump to that conclusion and provide that accusation of someone else's child?
If your son is younger than the others and is acting up in class, have a look if he is successfully keeping up with the work and if it is something that he CAN do. Maybe the work is just too much for him and he isn't mentally ready to be in that level. I'd be checking this out first. Was the teacher aide there for your son? Have a chat to her and see if maybe she feels similar.
It does sound like this group may be targeting him because he is younger and more vulnerable and if he has had trouble making friends they may just be using him as a scapegoat. I wouldn't so be interfering as such, however maybe have a chat to your son and discuss that when you say no or don't want to play in a certain way then that is final and you stand your ground. If it becomes worse for him, I'd chat to the teachers and see if he can maybe have a buddy who will befriend him at play time and accompany him. If he "dobs" it'd probably set them off further if they are bullies.
Just from what you saw that morning, I would be really concerned too. I would try to find a nice kid (maybe ask teacher to buddy him up), make friends with the mum and organise some play dates to get the friendship going. You are not a special snowflake, you felt the way you did for a good reason and most mums would feel the same.My son is a gentle boy and he mostly plays with the girls and a small sprinkle of boys, it works for him.