Break up. To wait or not

He has broken up with you, he is strictly in it for the sex. He does not want anything more with you. You are allowing yourself to be hurt. Attempting to kill your self because he doesn't want you is a form of abuse towards him and it's not going to win him back. You need to work on your self worth and find yourself. No one wants someone that can't live or care for themselves first (no one good anyway) I'm sorry I'm blunt but my ex (male) used to do what you are doing and it made me cut all ties with him. Except if it was to do with our kids. You are not going to win him back like this and I suggest you try to move on.

The relationship broke down while it was still in the honeymoon phase, that's probably why you see it through rose-coloured glasses and I understand how that would make it hurt so much. But. Without you being in a good place, without working on those silly fights, it was likely to have failed at some point anyway. I get it, you love this guy and you feel like you screwed it up but put it down as a lesson learned and give yourself permission to grieve it. Walk away and grieve it. Then pick your shit back up and fix yourself girl so every relationship doesn't end the same way. Stay single while you do this, you need to be at a point where you don't "need" the other person but simply want them. You need to be on top of your depression and anxiety most of the time (there's always going to little episodes but you'll learn to manage those). You need to stop focussing on blame, on you for fucking it up and on him for breaking it off, and instead look at solutions to avoid it ever controlling you again.

I was the same. Grew up in an abusive household so I was depressed as hell. I still battle it, most of the time I win, the rest of the time I stick my headphones in and listen to music that reminds me that others have felt this way before me. It makes the misery less lonely for me, my family recognise sometimes I just need some space and they leave me to it as they know I'll be back to being me just as soon as I can.

I still suffer anxiety, mine is mostly social as I lack the skills to cope in social interactions. Especially hilarious when you learn I rank quite high in a fast-paced business that deals with multi-million dollar customers, whom I interact with to various degrees. Don't know how the fuck that happened really but geez it sets me on edge some days. I listen to music at work too, boss gave me an office out of the way and provided a little desktop speaker for my ipod... Don't believe people won't help, the right people will.

Work on conflict resolution. Your reaction, to put your hands on him and yell in his face was totally wrong but hell most of us have had our moments! Learn from it, make sure it doesn't define your future. Mine was worse. Once, same as you it was in the early months of our relationship I hit my partner. Like I said, I came from an abusive household, and we were quite young so I was literally only just out of that house. My boyfriend loved doing martial arts and he'd regularly spar with his mates, just front up to them and pull a mock punch or grab or whatever. The first and only time he did it to me I didn't have time to think, I instinctively lashed out and the disappointment in his face crushed me. But we talked about it, I explained he can't do that and what should have been a deal-breaker became a lesson learned for both of us. He never tried to spar with me again, I trusted I'd never need that fear response in relation to him and 20 years later we match each other perfectly. This is why your relationship failed, he wasn't willing to communicate to solve a problem, he saw it as an out and took it, you would have spent your life with someone unwilling to resolve conflict - fuck that, this was a blessing in disguise for you.

Learn to love you. Strive to be someone to love, when you love yourself and value yourself you make better choices. Then look at loving someone else.

As much as it hurts he's just not into you...
Move on and heal your broken heart you're better off on your own or with someone who wants to be with you.. take care x x

There's a few RED FLAGS in your message that have me thinking that he could have NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You say you feel 'addicted'. Narcissists cause others to create, what's called, PEPTIDE ADDICTIONS to them. They also often ISSOLATE the people they target, and remove them from family and friends. He's also baited you to the point you've yelled in his face, which was no doubt pre meditated on his behalf and then blamed it all on you. Narcs THRIVE on creating drama and conflict and make the individuals they target co-dependent on them and feel suicidal when they are not around. I can help you, I can educate you if you need me too and work with you until you get to see the Psych if you like? send a friend request to Melanie Bryce via FB with a message and reference to this site if you like.

P.S. Narcs like to keep all their ex's on the back burning for booty calling and narcissist supply. You need to cut all ties. You will just continue to be hurt by this player. And if he's a true blue Narc, there's probably a dozen more ex girlfriend and side dishes he's all playing and toying with at the same time. RUN. and choose someone with morals, ethics, compassion and a conscious (all the traits these individuals lack) next time!!!