Is this love?

My husband SAYS he loves me, but his actions seem to say the opposite...but I don't know if I'm just being super-sensitive and/or selfish.

For example, I have a 45 minute lunch break, so yesterday I went home to see him (he's on sick leave atm) after we'd already organized it on the phone that morning and he said he was looking forward to seeing me - but when I got home he spent most of the time looking at selling things on the internet, or out in the kitchen talking to my Mum (we live in my parents garage) instead of with me.

He's saved photos of bikini models onto his phone and has no photos of me on there at all, and has no interest in taking photos of me either. I have to ask him to take photos of me when we go out (I take photos of him all the time) and he puts no effort into getting nice shots of me at all. If I have a photo of another guy on my phone, or have my dog as my home screen pic instead of him, he sooks and whinges until I change it to one of him or us.

Whenever we go on a date or go out somewhere nice, he spends 90% of the time with his eyes glued on other girls (usually tall blondes - I'm a short, dark Indian). He tells me that if my body isn't perfect all the time and I don't wear sexy clothes that exposes most of my body, that it gives him the right to look at other women like that because he needs eye candy. When I don't agree, I get called "damaged" all sorts of names. He's also told me that he wishes he was married to a blonde party girl instead of me.

When we go to bed, he'll spend hours on his phone looking at FB or watching movies and seems to forget I exist unless he's horny. He's recently told me that I don't give him enough sex so he has to look at porn to satisfy himself regularly. I am 100% against porn so I am trying to initiate more sex but some nights I don't have the emotional energy, so he jerks off beside me in bed when he thinks I'm asleep. Whenever we do have sex, I prefer to "make love" because I do actually love him and I want that emotional connection with him, but it's easy to see that he's simply using my lady parts to get himself off because there is no emotional connection there at all and he doesn't look at me.

He's not always like this - when he senses I'm about to explode after bottling everything up, he all of a sudden starts helping around the house, pays me attention, speaks to me gently and tells me I'm amazing, will spend money on me and make the effort to make me smile/laugh but will never take me on a date - I always have to be the one organize that, for some reason. He speaks to me as if I'm a small child.

The times I feel emotionally connected to him is after I crack it about whatever's going on at the time, and he apologizes and tries to make me feel loved and valued. Or when we're talking about the future - ie: buying a house. I feel really connected to him then.

Whenever I ask him if he truly loves me, he gets angry, cries, and calls me "f***ing b*tch", "selfish" and "the worst person in the world" and throws his phone in a fit of rage and tells me never to ask him that again because it breaks his heart. I only ask because he only tell me he loves me about once or twice a month, and usually I'm desperate to hear him say "I Love You" by then...

We've been to counselling, but he tells me he goes because I'm the one who's damaged and needs fixing...he's just there to support me. A really good counselor we were going to has just retired so now I feel like I have no-one to talk to.

I'm burning out. I'm trying to keep him happy but I feel like I'm being used, and that a loving husband wouldn't treat their wives like this. My Dad would never treat my Mum like this but no-one sees him treat me like this - he's a perfect gentleman in front of others.

I am miserable, and my anxiety is skyrocketing and I'm beginning to think that he'd be happier if I wasn't around anymore. I'm sure this isn't love?