Sisters, please keep this in mind before commenting. Maybe i've made excuses for not leaving, but I don't believe that makes me stupid or a pushover entirely. I simply wanted too keep my family together. I owed it too not only my kids, but me, too try let my partner make things right. Here's where I'm at... we've been together 8 years. Both haven't been perfect however since having our first born I changed my ways. A few times over the last 4 years I've caught my partner speaking too/seeing a woman I dispise. She LOATHES me just as much. They've had a sexual relationship, wether it's continued the last few times I've caught them being involved again I'm unsure. She always gets too attached or overly involved; I know he doesn't lead her on with false promises either as the context of her msgs prove this. Anyway so MAYBE they are 'just friends'. This already isn't good enough for me. In the past I would tell him if theirs nothing too hide say you go see her or speak too her. Then I'll feel valued & respected. He never did, reason being apparently I would carry on. ? Since having kids however I said me or her. I won't accept it. Stupidly I have allowed it too happen a few times. I know he ends up cutting her off & for awhile they don't speak, but eventually it ALWAYS ends up happening again. The most frustrating thing of all is I NEVER really get an explanation or apology. We will argue but more so he gets defensive or tries justifing it with one pathetic excuse. Our relationship suffers a lot because of it as although I try too move forward I've got so much built up anger/disgust/hurt; even though I try I can't help but reverting back too being cold or bitchy towards him. i can't help but put the wall up. Sorry for ranting but just wanting too give a bit of background. ANYWAY last week I spent 2 nights at my parents with the kids (we do this sometimes during the week if the weather is nice, my parents have a pool). Came home on the Friday evening & he went too his 'cousins' til 1am. He lives a few streets away so this is normal for him too do one night on the weekend, however I knew he lied. I ALWAYS just feel it. Looked at his phone maps (his got a new ph & obviously didn't realise it was on somehow) too see ofcourse he'd been stationed at her address that entire time. Not only that but the 2 nights he had dinner at my families house too see me & the kids then apparently gone home, he'd spent a few hours at her place. I am yet too confront him as we had a huge family thing at home today (we live with my inlaws) & didn't want too ruin the day. Once everyone is asleep I am going too. Now my question is here - wtf do I do ladies? I'm done. Can't take another excuse or reverse psychology episode. Tomorrow I want too go stay at my parents for a few days. It's so hard as then my in laws & parents know something is up, but it's his doing not my choice too just go. Do I give him the chance too come clean first, tell him straight? Should I pack my bags & just accept he will never change? I know no one can really give me the answers but I just need a complete outsiders opinion. I'm sorry this was so long but holding onto this while keeping it together for my 3 babies has been horrible. I just don't know where too go from here.
11 Replies
Also I thought I'd add I don't drive or believe me I would be turning up at her house next time he went out somewhere.
Also I thought I'd add I don't drive or believe me I would be turning up at her house next time he went out somewhere.
No, just no! Walk away from this drama. Hold your head high. She may well be a skank but he's the one you're in a relationship with, he's the one who has fucked things up.
Do not feel guilty for what you've done in the past, maybe you were unfaithful at one stage, and he keeps throwing it back in your face? Regardless of what your history is, if you both committed to working on your relationship together and he is now shitting all over it, well then it's done. Time to move on!
He's not respecting you, and he won't, if you don't respect yourself enough to say "no way do you get to treat me like this, I'm outa here!"
Ask your parents if you can stay with them for a bit and sort yourself out. Find a little rental nearby and get your independence and confidence back
It's time to accept this is who he IS. If it wasn't her it would be someone else. Guys like yours just don't understand boundaries and don't have the maturity to stop themselves from crossing the line.
This is who he is, go to your parents. You need to be done, like really done. You will never get the answers or apology that you think you need because he is too busy justifying himself. In his mind this is your fault.
Your 3 kids needs a mummy who isn't twisting herself in knots wondering if she can trust daddy, trust me, it takes a psychological toll on you and turns you into a mess sooner or later. It does effect your kids. Your kids need a mummy who treats herself with the full respect she deserves and doesn't put up with crap from men. Because as your kids get older they say, they know and they learn, even when you think you are hiding it.
Nope, no chance to explain, hes a liar why would you want to hear anything out of his mouth. Give him hell and let him stew. Yes pack your bags and yes dont believe a word i can guarantee he'll promise it wont happen again but always remember he had enough chances and hes still creeping between the two of you, lying to your face, thats who he is.
Why would he change ?? His gotten away with this for 8years. Id pack my bags take the kids and tell him its over he cant have his cake and eat is aswell.
I feel for you, I really do. It's so hard, especially when kids are involved. My problem is similar to yours but drugs and random women. I have put up with it for 14 years , its humiliating. You would never guess we were going through this. We are both professionals, and appear like the average family. Finally I had enough, one thing I am doing now that I didn't do before was I told my family everything. I have got so much support from them. They were sad I had been dealing with this alone. So my advice to you is don't hide for him. Get your support up. You need your strength. X
Accept that he will never change.. this wasnt a one time think this is continuous..he doesnt care about your feeling pack yours and your kids bags and leave! Never look back! He is a cheater and you deserve better.. also that bitch obviously knows you are in a relationship and have kids to this man.. let them be together and tell his family and yours the real reason for why you are leaving..sounds like a pig to me
Pack your bags and leave.
I would be leaving without a single word... you said enough words and quite frankly you will surely be met with another excuse. When someone stuffs up so badly it's 100% your choice whether he gets the chance to hurt you again. Excercize that right and decide that you wont give him that opportunity again to hurt you again. Let's face it the risk is almost inevitable - not if it's when he cheats again. Go to you mums indefinitely. Not for a few days. This may not be what you asked for but it's up to you to create a life for yourself that you deserve. He doesn't think of you and your hurt at all when he's with her and that's a deal breaker. Save the energy you are putting into this marriage on yourself. I'm so sorry this is happening to you :-)
I'm sorry your in this position .as others have said the truth is he is lying to you , he's done it before he's doing it now and he will do
It again . It hurts and it feels horrible now but you actually need to change your mind set . Keeping your family together is NOT what is best for your kids ! Or for you . What they see in stead of separated parents (who may be able to
Get along if separated ? ) is dysfunctional relationship between you , one where you are not happy, you talk rudely to each other (as u said in your post ) , kids see this stuff and they learn from it . Ask yourself what would you advise your kids to do if in 20 years from now they are in the same position ? Would you want them to stay? Or leave his sorry arse ?
Give yourself the same advice now . It will be healthier for you and the kids .