My husband and I are currently going through a seperation. We had agreed on him having the children 5 nights a fortnight. Now that I have mentioned that I would like a bit more in our property settlement due to me being the primary carer he has suddenly turned around and said he wants 50/50. I know this is purely a financial thing for him. If I gave him what he wanted he would have stuck with the 5 night arrangement.
I'm just looking at what is best and fair for my kids and myself. He has not been the most active parent during all of this.
Would he have any chance of getting 50/50? He is threatening court.
I don't want to give in to him as he is a bully and I have always given in. Enough is enough.
My children are 6 and 2
Do I give in? Does he have the right?
Do I give in? Does he have the right?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
23 Replies
I have no idea but being their parent he could go for 50/50 it would be up to the court to decide. Then again if hes going to play like this it will be in your best interest to get an official arrangement drawn up asap anyway. If he wants to take it to court see what he gets as long as you get orders drawn up and signed by him thats actually what you need.
I havnt been through this situation but im pretty sure you would get 50/50 as long as you both are stable parents and both have a good home for them..you could possibly fight for more.. i guess it would depend on who is able to take them to school and pick them up, be there for them anf what is in the kids best interest etc...as for the financial settlement i think 50/50 is fair
Yeah he has a chance of getting 50/50. Honestly don't get caught in a battle over percentages on the financial settlement. Getting it done fast and without going to court is in everyone's favour. Family court costs a bomb and that's even without getting to a ruling. My sister spent $20,000 and there still isn't a decision on custody. So if it's a matter of a few thousand here or there don't let your lives get tied up in court.
Sometimes with these controlling types it really is just best to walk away and let there crap wash off of you.
Yes, forget the court system. It's well broken. I want to trial for finances 1 year 3 months ago, still no decision. Such a waste of money / time / energy.
Here's what he hasn't factored in...
Let him have the deal he wants...
Let him have it for 3 months, Then go claim child support!!
You'll end up better off financially and if he's not as supportive during all,of this, chances are he'll only end up wanting the kids every second weekend.
A couple of points I forgot to mention. I work part time and have my 2 year old st home with me 2 days a week. I also work from home so am able to take my daughter to and from school without the need for school care. When he has them she will need to do school care and my youngest will have long days at daycare (6.30am - 6pm).
He is doing this to hurt me as he knows how much the kids mean to me
Is the financial split50/50? Are you wanting more? If you really want the arrangement as is i would think really hard about that in your negotiations. I dont know how finances are split with everyone, i havent heard of them being split differently depending on child care percentages, you might be the one pushing for too much here and you'll need to decide what youre more able to live without to come to an agreement.
Courts don't punish parents for working full time. So yeah he has the right to take yob to court and demand 50/50.
Don't let a judge make a decision like this if it can be avoided as you never know which way it could go.
Not to mention the stress of family courts on your children. Its a traumatising system that should be left for cases of abuse and neglect.
I'd pay 40,000 to keep my kid from going through that!
Why shouldn't he have 50/50? They have 50% of his DNA?
Jeez theres always someone... did you read it because she clearly answers this
Because he doesn't want them for the right reasons! He wants them for financial gain and to hurt me!! Why should my children be used for his gain!
No doubt the same old people (there's 2 of them), they would be better suited to the dads in distress page, their view is always black and white arghhhhhh drives me crazy! Don't listen to that IM.
Yep, sounds like your dealing with a Narcissist. Do yourself a right royal favour and read a book called PSYCHOPATH FREE, it'll explain everything. Don't fight him. Disengage. Once you take your attention away from him, he'll find himself new supply, who then he'll attempt to turn into a 3rd party bully / flying monkey to attack you too. These monsters are all text book, predictable, bottom feeding, parasites.
Don't ask for more, take your 50/50 and continue on with the agreed 5 nights a fortnight. If you don't, your kids will suffer or you will spend thousands in lawyers, not worth the fight.
Bet you any money you like, if she did that, he'd change the goal post again on her. This is ALL about hurting her, getting back at her, getting revenge. He wants her to engage in a fight and I think he'll drag this out, as these types all do, for as long as possible.
Thank you everyone for your replies. Whilst I may not agree with all thank you for taking the time to reply,
It should be noted that he wants more than 50% of the settlement. THat is why I am fighting it. He is after 75%!
I do not believe he is entitled to that
if you give him 50/50 will he give more $$? Or thinks that means less $$ for you? In my opinion 5 days or seven days a fortnight isnt much difference if it gets you what you want. also if you were a stay at home mum while he worked dont forget about superannuation too.
Oh, what a douche! Don't blame you for being pissed off, good luck.
He's after 75% hell no! I'd fight that.
He's not entitled and he knows it. He just wants to fight to wear you out and hurt you, drag you through court and abuse you and punish you some more. I bet your bottom dollar if you turned around and said "sure, i'll give you 75%" he'd then change the goal post on you again. They play games. They want attention. They want to upset you and cause you to give them your time and energy. If I was you, knowing what I know now, i'd get a 3rd party to 'deal' with him. Put him on notice that he can only communicate with you through this person. He'll HATE that.
The word you used 'bully' raised red flags. You are no doubt dealing with a Narcissist and if you don't know anything about them and their traits and the way the operate, best to look into it. For a Narc, it's all about hurting you and 'winning' (which is ridiculous because they are losers, lacking empathy, compassion, moral compass). You'll have circular conversations which will go around and around and won't go anywhere. Try to AVOID court like the plague. You can do a thing called Arbitration where ONE senior lawyer, who does not take sides, tells you how it will play out, money wise, if it does go to court. If he's a Narc, he'll want to drag it out to hurt you and keep you engaged. Google: Grey Rock and there's a language called BIFF you can learn which they can't stand and it sorts them out. No emotion. Good luck!
He won't get 75% and if he wants 50/50 custody point out how much it will cost for full time daycare and before and after school care. As others have said get a solicitor and do it properly, don't cave on the settlement
I think there are 2 sides to every story. At the end of the day, he is the father of these children - he may not be perfect, but apparently neither are you "The Imperfect Mum". As long as he is not violent/abusive to the children, they should be exposed to his lifestyle as well as yours. This should never be about money, but about the rights of children to spend time with both parents. The sooner parents realise this and work together to ensure that their children grow up happy and well adjusted and that they are the priority, the better this world will be.