I'm not good enough - for me that is!

 

Do you ever find your eyes watching other Mother’s and hear a little voice in your head saying… “She is so so much better at this whole motherhood thing than me” -Chances are she has looked at you and thought the same..

I know this, my conscious mind knows this, I’m confident generally self-assured but sometimes I just feel so hopeless at this Motherhood gig.  It’s me judging me. It’s like I’m not good enough for myself.

I find it really hard when I try and try and yet  – the voice still says “you’re not good enough”.

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we feel the need to be this perfect mum? – There is no such this as perfect I know this. – I do know this!

Yet I still feel it.  I wish I loved to cook, I wish I was organised; I wish I was more patient with my  kids, I wish I didn’t yell.

I remember growing up and people saying you will be the best Mum – Well sorry but I’m not – I’m really not!

I wish for so much and I think that is what makes it even worse is that I wish for someone else.. Someone that isn’t me.

I drive along in my car and silent tears come. Silent tears of just not being good enough.. will I ever be good enough for me I wonder??

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Mental Health, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt

28 Replies

Kylie Wade

I DONT WANT TO BE THE PERFECT MUM BUT SOME TIMES I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A GOOD ONE... AT THE MOMENT THOSE ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN...

The Imperfect Mum

mmm I'm hearin ya! X

Ranstan

They are my thoughts and feelings too...I am trying to turn them around by reading pages and posts like yours xx

Tahliasmumma

your not alone, i feel like that most of the time, every word of what you said is me... i am my own worst enemy

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Darlin - it's so important for us all to be honest about how we are feeling - You don't feel so alone that way XX Big hugs to you X

Sevencherubs

I am trying not to listen to that crazy voice in my head any more. We do not agree. What a blessing tears are! N x

The Imperfect Mum

Mmmm me too! - but some days it's really hard to hush that little voice.. Thanks for your message Darlin X

Fiona @ My Mummy Daze

I can totally relate to this, hun! But who wants perfection in a mum? Your kids feel loved and settled and you're modelling what a normal parent is! It's crazy the oressure we put on ourselves, isn't it!

The Imperfect Mum

Never thought of it like that... Thanks love XX

Sonia@ LIfe Love and Hiccups

We all doubt ourselves I'm sure. I question myself nearly every day and there are times that I seriously do not feel worthy of the gorgeous little boys I have. But then in my heart I know I was paired up with them for a reason and they love me and tell me frequently that they would not swap me for any other mum.

YOU are a wonderful mother to your kids and when I read the stories you write about them, anyone can see what a fabulous job you are doing raising them. Please do not doubt yourself Hun. There are enough people in the world who will do that to us if we let them so we certainly shouldn't do it to ourselves. ((BIG HUG)) xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Thats so lovely - thanks Darlin! XX

Gemma_My_Big_Nutshell

Yeran's post was very powerful. One of the comments on Yeran's post was from Kate of Kate Says Stuff. She said to Yeran " t's not the ability or disability of your children that makes you an amazing Mum. It's YOU that makes you an amazing Mum. You yourself are an incredible woman."

and I think Kate nailed it. Kate doesn't have it easy either, but she said it what makes YOU, YOU is what is incredible. And that has to be for all it's flaws and yelling too. We've got to 'come as we are' and that certainly has to be good enough, for not coming at all is the neglect. We are coming and we are there and that IS GOOD ENOUGH.

big love darling xx

The Imperfect Mum

So true Darlin, thanks so much! Xx

Jodie - Muddled Up Mumma

We all fight these thoughts and the negative little person inside our heads. Self doubt took on a whole new meaning for me after becoming a Mum, but on the otherhand, I do amaze myself at some of the things I have been able to do and cope with that I never would have thought possible beforehand. Brave of you to post about this...

The Imperfect Mum

Yep - Motherhood sure SMACKS you in the face big time! thanks for your support XX

Kelly Dee

By wanting to appear 'perfect' to our kids - we are sending them a false impression of what we want THEM to be.... then they will grow up trying (and failing!!) to be 'perfect like mum' and struggling to appear to have it all together!

I think the best we can do is be honest with our kids. When we do yell / fail / loose patience / stress / fall in a crumbling mess (the list goes on!) it's what we do AFTERWARDS that has the biggest impact!

My kids KNOW I'm not perfect (phew - pressures off!! =) - but they can see that when I fail, I get back up, apologize, explain calmly why i did what i did, thank them for understanding and I get back on track - which is the exact same thing I'd like my kids to do when they fail... that they would know that they are not any less loved or being judged or invincible!!! They are imperfect - just like everyone else around here! =)

Sending you lots of love Imperfect mum! None of us are perfect - but we are loved and that's what matters!!! =) xoxox

Kelly Dee

AND Kristy - I STILL think that you are the best mum! The BEST mum for Titan, Maya and Texas - they wouldn't want any other mother, and no other mother could love them as much as you!!!

You've been given a gift to teach these little ones all the lesson in life that you have learnt and to give them a head start in changing the way this world teaches and tells them to think. Give them a BIG head start and show them that it's ok to fall! You will love them regardless, just like you are loved by them (and us) regardless!! =)

WE ALL LOVE YOU! THANK YOU!!! XOXOXO

Helenetee

U must learn to love yourself than u won't have tis negative feeling! As long as u've done yr best, u r good! Don't compare yrself w others!

Sharon Egan

Having blogs like this read, makes us realise we are not alone and none of us are perfect, we simply do the best we can x

Nbunyon

What a great post. This is something I struggle with daily. In the end it's all due to my high expectations for my life. I need to let go and just live....easier said than done hey!

Jen Clark

"Yet I still feel it. I wish I loved to cook, I wish I was organised; I wish I was more patient with my kids, I wish I didn’t yell."

Couldn't have said it better myself...

Easy Peasy Kids

The constant voice in our head as mothers is really a BIG pain in the butt. Stop the moment it comes think of a happy moment with your kids and tell the 'not good enough' voice to take a ride. Children LOVE their mums so very much. They couldn't care two hoots if the house is messy, whether you can cook, whether you can sew. whether you can sing, or juggle. They LOVE their mum full stop, you don't have to be anything more, just YOU that's exactly who they love. You don't have to be good enough for you because you already are xxx

Jane @ Hesitant Housewife

What a beautiful, hones post. I really wonder if any mother feels she is good enough? We all adore our children so much, and we want to be perfect for them, despite the fact that 'perfect' doesn't exist. So we constantly strive for the unattainable, and will never measure up in our own eyes. All we can do is our best, with what we have.
I think this website alone, and the opportunities it offers other 'imperfect mums' is testament to what a fabulous mother and person, you are. xx

Rt2murray

Close to tears.thank you.I was also told I would be a good mum...I got PND with my first and have not gone back for a second.If you gave me a comforting hug, I would blv you truly get me xx

Rt2murray

I should prob reply to my own post with...have not gone back for a 2nd baby yet...

Cat_BeLoverly

I feel like this so much at the moment in particular. I really wish I didn't have that negative voice going on but I do. You're absolutely not alone. x

Lyndsie86

i can empathise with this 100%. We are our own toughest critics and some times all we can do about a toug day is have a good old cry and re-group. Being a mummy is harder than anything ive EVER done! but the thing that makes it all worth while and what im sure keeps us all going trying to do our best is the amazing smiles and love we get from our children :).
I am so glad this was posted i really needed this today :) this is exactly how i am feeling and to know that we all fight the same battle with our own expectations ( even if they are unrealistic at times ) makes me feel like mothehood really is a "sistehood". Thanks for the great reads and support IM :).

Kelly B -- Be A Fun Mum

I read this quite recently from Virginia Stair, "So much is asked of parents, and so little is given." It's true, society expects so much of parents without giving much support back, we expect so much of ourselves because we love our kids so much...and sometimes we forget to just be. xx