When I first became a Mother it was such a shock to me. I seriously had no idea that I would find it so overwhelming. After losing our first beautiful angel Titan prematurely; and struggling to hold on to Maya and Tex. My introduction to Motherhood was quite an interesting one.
When I finally became a Mum I remember one day sitting in my lounge room floor holding Maya; she was absolutely perfect. Unfortunately though all I could feel was such a deep dark feeling of anxiousness.
I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. I could hear this voice in my head telling me how hopeless I was. This baby deserved so much more, it was like the walls were caving in…. – It was a very scary time – I will NEVER forget that moment.
I also found myself comparing myself to other mothers thinking she has it “so together” I know have come to realise that “she” probably goes home and cries in silence because she doesn’t fell quite adequate herself either.
There are some Mum’s and Dad’s that don’t struggle and I’m genuinely very happy for them, but unfortunately that was not me and I was not going to pretend it was. I remember saying to my sister that I would love to start up some sort of advice line so there could be a place that other Mothers that were struggling could call.
Juggling Motherhood and working didn’t allow something like this to happen but there was always this nagging voice in my mind telling me I had to do “something”. It wasn’t until last year that I finally worked out what that “something” was… I have always felt like I was an “Imperfect Mum” so it was the perfect name for my blog and facebook page.
It fitted me “perfectly”. So June 2011 the Imperfect Mum was born.
So here we are all together, There is no reason any of us should ever feel alone again. And please; just promise me one thing, don’t bloody compare. And if you are truly in a bad place, ask for help.
Depression, anxiety, and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed truly suck. I have been there I sometimes still are. That is a fact. My life is far from perfect. But you know what that’s ok.. No-one’s is…
Lifeline 131114 or http://www.lifeline.org.au
26 Replies
Beautifully written. I think we are kindred spirits you and I. I know I shouldnt but I'm always comparing myself. I try to think of that "ducks on a pond" story, were all just like ducks on the pond on the surface it looks like were gliding along but underneath were all kicking like crazy just to stay afloat. I often feel like I'm trying to be all things to all people but coming up short everywhere. A friend and I are often joking about the short cuts or things we do with our kids that will make us "mother of the year" the failed cakes or whatever. Apparently there is an article in the Herald Sun today about mothers slagging each other off online, I started to read it and then thought " no I dont need to take that on board, I have the imperfect Mum and we dont do that there, thank god for that" And thank God for you Kristy and your page. You know what, people are comparing themselves to you now, YOU are an inspiration to others! xx
Ohhh Yes, We are Georga I agree! - Sisters from another Mother! We will actually meet one day.. I love that analogy. Just LOVE IT!!
Ewwww I agree best not to read.
I hope no-one compares themselves to me, I'm so bloody hopless at most things ha ha XXX
Thanks Georga X
We are all flawed. That's what makes us wonderful.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Ohhh So true! - Ohh Yes we are.. Sending you love Mrs M XX
This blog highlights to me why the comparison game we play as mums can deal such a blow to our self-esteem, which is why I think we need to focus more on self-compassion. When we compare ourselves to others we are either going to fall short or inflate our own sense of worth at the expense of someone else...When we operate from a place of self-compassion, we are more accepting of ourselves AND others.
I've said it before and I'll say it again....THIS is important whole-hearted work you are doing Kristy. Keep shining x
Ohhh Love you Kirri, Such kind, beautiful words. Thanks so much for being such a fantastic friend/coach to me! - Love you!!
I struggle more now as my children are older. I have four angels/devils haha. They make me want to be a better person but some days they have the gift of almost tipping me over the edge of my sanity.
Love your honesty and I have such respect for you xoxo
Oh that's is beautiful Mel P.. RESPECT sister!! love that word!! - Sending you beautiful fluffy hugs X
Imperfect is my favourite word because nothing is ever really perfect, we are all so very different yet at times so alike. You know how much you mean to me. Nx
So so true!!- everyone is imperfect.. the sooner we all embrace that the better the world will be! X
Great minds! I just posted part 2 of my story tonight and part 1 earlier in the week (yes it is THAT long) lol but no matter the length, we ALL have a story and you know what, us mums are more ALIKE than not :) Thanks for sharing and "don't bloody compare" is BLOODY sound advice! Love ya!
Ha ha! - Yep FUCK comparing I say!! - Ha ha!!
You know this is hilarious. I have gone to write a post in the past and you had already written it ... just different.. We are same/same but different.. You're the white one I'm the black one!!- Ha ;)
XX Love ya too!
Oh gorgeous lady...you are imperfectly perfect to me and to your many loyal readers who you have helped so much. xx
OOOOHHHHHH love you Martine! - just loved how we connected!! - Bloggy sisters - Nat, you and I.. XX
well done for describing so well what many of us go through. I struggled big time after #1, and ended up with PND after #2. Depression and anxiety almost crippled me, and I constantly felt inadequate as these gorgeous kids' mum. I am a lot better now than in those dark ol' days (not so long ago), but still struggle with it from time to time. Us Mums are so much better off supporting each other, rather than comparing and being critical. Sometimes I start to read comments on something on facebook, and I'm appalled at the nasty negative comments that come out. Now I've learnt either not to read them, or backtrack as soon as a negative vibe comes up.
It takes a village to raise a child, so now we don't live in a village, we need an online version to support each other and help each other get through the hard times as well as celebrate the good.
Beautiful words Suzanne: Here Here!! - My thoughts exactly
"It takes a village to raise a child, so now we don't live in a village, we need an online version to support each other and help each other get through the hard times as well as celebrate the good".
LOVE IT!! - Thank YOU and I am sending you love
Love you and love that you started this blog. Looking forward to more inspiration from you. N x
Thanks so much Naomi. You know how much I love you! X
I can identify with everything you have said, and love that women now have a safe place to discuss these issues openly. Just knowing that we are not alone in having these thoughts/feelings/experiences can make a huge difference to the way we think and deal with them. Love ya work hun x
Ohhh Thanks Jolene. Beautiful kind words xx
Love this, love what you've done and LOVED meeting you at DPCON12.
I so struggled at some times and thought I must've been the only one. I wish this had been around when I was going through it with my first born! xx
Ohhh Thanks so much Kate. LOVED meeting you too. XX
I love this, you are so inspiring and amazing....
Ohhh those words mean so much! - Thanks beautiful! X
Perfect schmerfect I say, you are imperfectly perfect and I for one am so glad last June you gave birth to The Imperfect Mum. you know I think the world of you right! Xxxxx
Hi there. It would be great if you could also include the phone number for Parentline here - each state has one. The number in Victoria is 13 22 89.