Pretending it never happened

I’m sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I’m sorry that the grief will never go away. I’m sorry that people’s fear makes you feel like your boy is being forgotten.
On this day 8 years ago I said goodbye to my first baby.
Life is full of what-if’s and it-could-have-been’s.

You are in my thoughts today xoxoxoxox

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby boy Titan. I lost a baby 10 months ago myself. xxx

sending you so much love today Kristy. Today is hard and unfair.
I have friends and my mum who know your pain, but I was never aware how common, the loss of babies are. Just recently I have read blog posts from Heartfelt and so came across Hesperas Garden, where Kristie Tatton writes of the loss of her little boy at birth just over a year ago. It takes a lot for you special mummas to share the intimacy and rawness of your grief and loss, and I think every mother can connect and feel the deepest amount of sympathy because we all know to lose a baby would be the most incredible pain we could ever feel. xx

I am SO sorry for your loss Honey!! I would die, if I lost one of my 5 babies. I firmly believe that NO Mother should EVER have to bury their child, no matter what age they are. Your story reminds me of my Mum who lost her baby before me to a drunk driver when she was 10 days old, she nearly lost her own life as well & was too ill to go to her own baby’s funeral. Now she’s with her in Heaven, unfortunately I am on the other side of the equation, I lost my Mother to a speeding P plater last Nov. So I had to bury my Mother with her baby who would’ve been my older sister had she lived. I also had to witness my Grandmother collapse as she buried her oldest child. I feel for you as a mother myself & also as a daughter who lost her mother. I know what you mean about people acting like it never happened. I post tributes to Mum if I find something nice & I have been told recently that I should get over it & move on. Not what you want or need to hear when grieving. My heart goes out to you & if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, just inbox me. Much love. xxx

i lost my sister when she was 4mths old. i was 4yrs. i often wondered what it would have been like to have had a sister but i know sometimes things happen for a reason even if we dont know what that reason is at the time. as i was growing up i always said i would give her name to my daughter, when i had my girl i gave her the name skylar jacqueline. jaqueline was my sisters name and even though i dont remember her in my little girl her name will live on and your son will have his own way to be remembered and live on too.

I lost one of my boys at 22 weeks, stillborn, I lost another boy at 13 weeks, I feel your pain as both my boys were bout 6 mths apart, not a day goes by that I don’t think of them

The connection of Invisible love knows no bounds, Titan is with you always xx

I am so sorry for your loss It is so heartless of society to think it is better to avoid the topic entirely than to just say that one little sentence. He DID exist, he was loved, and his passing deserved to be acknowledged, grieved, & remembered.

So very true my friend. I know I have many friends who make a point of mentioning my Ava in conversation. They refer to her when comparing the boys with each other. The say I have 6 children and not 5. I do like that they remember what a huge part of our lives she will always be. And like you she is my guiding light for everything I do. Remembering your beautiful boy today and always xx

Wow, thankyou for voicing this. It’s vital for me to talk about my beautiful boy. He changed my world, as kids do, but he just happens to reside in heaven now. To my friends, never feel frightened to ask me about him. Never. The likelihood of me turning into a blubbing mess is minimal. What I will talk about is his incredible spirit. Or just anything really. Because he is my son and I’m a proud mumma bear. Thanks again x

Thank you for your bravery, Kristy. I know you might not think that what you do is brave, but it is. Putting yourself out here…with all your pain…in my mind makes you brave. I applaud you for having the strength to build this sisterhood and share your personal life with us. Sending you love on this very hard day, all the way from the US! Thank you so much for all that you’ve done and continue to do.
-Janet

Thinking of you and your husband and family. Every anniversary is a difficult time, even as time goes on and you are absolutely right it is always very sad when people just ignore the existence of your precious baby. Titan will always watch over you and your family in such a precious way until you meet him again. I too lost a beautiful little boy almost 10 years ago and it astounds me that at times when I have told people of this many of them just skip past the fact like I said I lost a necklace, or in my case because Jack was a twin they say “Well at least you have another one”. I know maybe people don’t know what to say but having another baby doesn’t make up for the one you lost, it does give us some comfort to know we have his twin brother here but also deep sadness as well and when people simply say “Sorry, that is terribly sad,” that is all that is needed. Sadly it has often been Doctors and other medical professionals that have been the most ignorant, which surprises me greatly as you would imagine they should know the importance of a parents grief.

Beautiful Natalie,

Yes, he is my beautiful. X

Beautiful Martine. I think of your little girl often.. XX

Ohhh Tanya, Oh my god. Something no-one should ever endure. XX

Thanks beautiful, I always love reading your messages XX

My god, are you serious??. This is incredible.. Sending you love and hugs for the 10th XX

Ohhh, that is just awful.. “at least you have another one” – seriously some people don’t have any bloody idea. Sending you love and MASSIVE hugs. XX

Thanks so much Janet. I love having you here. XX

You’re Welcome. It’s something that society has to get there head around. sending you love Mumma Bear XXX

I agree.. thanks Caz XX

Sending you love Dani XX

Ohhh darlin – Sending you love. XX

There are never enough words to fully express the sadness and empathy to someone who is grieving. But you are so right that the illusion of pretending that big gaping hole isnt there doesnt help at all, if anything it makes it worse. Titan’s birthday was also shared by a very dear friend. It would have been his 30th birthday, but he didnt even see his 11th Birthday due to loosing a valiant battle with Cancer. I have always been a firm believer in remembering and acknowledging those precious lives who have passed and not only want to talk about them but actually NEED to. When I was 4 my dad died, and the worst thing for me was that nobody talked about him, it took until I was 16 and pushed did I finally get some answer. Wishing I wasnt in another state because I just want to give you a big hug, the closest thing I can suggest is for you to go out into the sunshine, close your eyes and imagine the warmth of the sunshine surrounding you as I would with my arms. xx

Ohhh Heidi as you know, I feel your warmth all of the time. You’re a beautiful soul. Thank you for joining me on my journey, I am very blessed. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In 2006 I lost both my dad AND my brother in the same truck accident, there were people both blood related and not, who we as a family had known since I was little who I believed to be life-long friends….in some cases our dads worked together and we grew up together….but after making the call to tell them the news, there was nothing….. no txt message, no e-mail, no phone call, absolutely nothing….and it still hurts to think what all these people really thought of our family if almost 6 years later we are so far from their minds that they did not stop to make just one phone call to check that we are ok!!

I agree Kristy, nothing said could be taken in offence more than saying nothing at all…….

I am from the bottom of my heart, sorry for your loss I can’t begin to imagine what you feel every day xxx

Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I went through a high risk twin pregnancy where my boys had a 50/50 chance of survival. Every day they survived, the risk lessened but the pain in my heart of knowing for 5 months that every day could be the day I lost my beautiful boys was just too much to bear. The pain of the fear of losing them was so great sometimes it was hard to breathe. I just cannot fathom the strength it took for you to not only deal with the loss of your beautiful son but to become such an advocate for mothers. Thank you for having the courage to share so that others can understand. I am very, very lucky and my miracle boys made it but unfortunately being in hospital for 39 days pre delivery, I have had friends experience loss and I know how hard it is to express something, anything to a bereved mother when there really are no words that you can say to lessen the pain. Anyone who has asked me, I just say go and cry with Mum, you are not going to upset her, she’s already upset but to share her very lonely world of pain, even for 5 minutes, would be appreciated. Thank you Kristy for your strength and I am sooo sorry for your loss. ((((HUGS))))

I lost my son at the age of 5yrs, I lost many friends following that. People who just couldn’t cope with facing something they’d never had to deal with before. They just stopped calling. I spent more time consoling other’s and telling them it’s ok, than I did caring for myself, effectively avoiding my own grief for a time.
My heart and thoughts are with you even though I’ve landed here late in the evening.