Do you think you’re ok? – I’m not ,and I’m sharing that with you.. SHIT!

My husband suffers from depression/anxiety. Big hugs to you.

http://theserendipitycafe.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/black-dog-keeping-it-real-post.html

I wrote almost a simialr post yesterday hun seems we have just started our journey together.
biggest loves to you my darling girl <3

((((xoMWAHxo))))

Good for you Kristy. I often ask ‘what is ok?’ too and I’m yet to come up with the answer. You are brave and you are strong and I think there really are a lot of people who feel the same. x

Thanks so much Nicole, I really do appreciate those words! – would love to cross paths one day! X

Back at ya Lee! X

Will check out my beautiful! – Thanks for the love! X

Will check it out Kimmie – Thanks X

“Tomorrow will be a better day”, just keep believing that and one day it will be. I’ve been to that horrible dark place, and I hope it’s not long before you see the sun again. Luv’n'hugs Darlin’ – be good to yourself! xo

Friends it is a dark place, but it can be surrounded by dark walls, or beautiful things that will aid in the journey of finding happiness. Make the choice to be happy in the smallest of way and it will come to you. The journey is an individual one, but it’s better shared with many..
xoxo

You are not a shit mum. You are not a shit person. We all love having you around. You are a great help.

Wow Reading this I see myself. I went to my doctor last week and while she says im not depressed I knew I wasnt myself and needed to talk to someone. And like you I find it easier to tell it like this than to anyones face. It my first time seeing my new doctor and she was amazing. I told her exactly how I felt, my emotions were up and down and I couldnt control any of it which made me feel worse, I like to be in control
I felt lazy, always tired and couldnt be bothered with anything. I couldnt wait for the day to be over so I could go back to bed, then when the day was over I would cry knowing the way I was feeling and acting was affecting my young children and my relationship. I am now back on the pill and on a Swiss multivitamins and will be visiting my doctor again in 6 weeks to talk about how I will be feeling and to make sure im back to my old usual happy self. I was talking to a friend after visiting my doctor and told her everything, she was shocked because I always put on a happy face … because I felt i had too, I didnt want people knowing how I was really feeling, I didnt want my friends and family to know I wasnt coping.
Thank you for sharing your story.

It is indeed, the most awful destination to go to. Good on you for sharing, it is bound to help somebody! I think I could have written the same post several times over the past few years, particularly since having children. Professional help is awesome, but the help of others who have a shared experience is even better. Thanks so much. xxx

Thank you for sharing and good for you for seeking help. I have gone down this path a few times myself and I began to ask why is this happening to me and not the person next to me on the bus??

I spoke to nutritionist, chriopractors and the ‘like’ who research non medical ways to solve this puzzle.

The ‘newish’ research (2010) indicate that our bouncing babies ‘steal’ vital nutrients from you while in vitro! I was advised to take zinc/ vitamin c (powder) for a 6 months, to just build up my stores again.

Vitamin d. We mothers tend to spend loads of time inside and miss out on this essential vitamin. I was told time and time again by medical health professionals to go walking in the morning sun! SUNLIGHT = vitamin d. Their advice is very good, because vitamin d is an oily vitamin and needs time to sink into your skin. So the early morning light would have time to sink in before your shower.

So my way to ‘help myself’ out (other than medication and groups) was vitamin c + zinc powder for 6 + months, take a month off and then 5 months, month off, 4 months etc. And vitamin d liquid.

This has now taken me on another path of discovery. I now ask “why is this happening” to other complaints in our life.
Why is my child behaving like this? Why is my skin all scaly. etc
What is in the food my child is eating and why is it there? (colours, chemicals, preservatives etc) What is in the body wash? Why is it there when other countries have banned it?

I highly recommend asking why more often.
Bless you and yours.
Donna

I started reading this and smiled. I smiled because this is exactly how I was feeling a few weeks ago.

Here is my story:
Elliot arrived in our lives via emergency caesarean (traumatic birth is a PND trigger). After 5 days of early labour at home, 7 hours of labour in hospital (all drug free), I had shrunk from 8cm dialated to 6, baby was stuck and to continue would possibly mean complications so they caesared by beautiful bubby out of me. It was my decision to have the caesar to save him from any complications even though he was about 2 cm from crowning.

A week after I came home from hospital, we moved house. Our landlord was moving back after 5 years away. I had agonised over what colour to paint his room and had only 5 days to enjoy it (moving house is a PND trigger).

When he was 5 weeks, my husbands best friend and my close friend died of cancer (death is a PND trigger).

Things started going down hill after that.

At 3 months, after another incident of screaming my head off at my baby for crying, I went to the family clinic. Guess what my diagnosis was?? PND!

Anyway, with the support of my friends, family, GP, medication and support group I am on the mend.

We all have dark days, the key for me is to recognise that the illness of depression is making me have black thoughts.

I am not ashamed anymore so I am sharing this. I will not feel guilty or shameful that I am having a bad day.

My most AMAZING Sister (Kristy Vallely), friend, and my Berocca and clown when needed. Good on you for sharing with all of us! Realistically I think most people go through this type of thing at least at one point in there life, and others unfortunately are no so lucky and are forever in a battle. But most people don’t share or even admit it to themselves that they are maybe having a struggle or that they they are simply not ok. That’s when things spiral out of control! Once again you are helping others by sharing your journey, a very vulnerable move but one you do without to much hesitation. You go girl! Keep making a difference, I KNOW you will be OK. You are at a pivotal point of CHANGE and your going to ROCK IT when you start on your new journey!
Remember you have to RAIN before you can SHINE, we all do!
Love you! Love You! Love You and remember I will be right beside you!

Been there and now out the other end. I still have days like that but now am able to recognize triggers and communicate with my husband so I have support to ensure I don’t go down that horrible, dark tunnel again! I knew in myself that something was wrong but one hell or high water I was not going to admit it to anyone. My husband was the one who took me to the doctor (who wasn’t great) but I finally was honest with myself and decided things couldn’t go on like this. I did a lot of counseling and learnt how to communicate with my husband – which had helped tremendously. I now accept that it is an illness not something I deserve to have etc. I am a better person now as I accept myself and others without judgement and appreciate each day more. I can’t praise you highly enough for seeking help! I am a firm believer that us ‘Mums’ need to talk honestly and free of judgement to each other. We need to let people know what is actually going on and as I have now learnt – people do want to help, you just need to ask. If they say no it’s not no to you just to that particular thing you asked them. I have asked a friend for support to achieve a goal for the first time in my life and she did say yes, but I realize that if she’d said no that it wasn’t a personal attack on me! Why oh why does it take so long to learn these important lessons.
Take care and one day at a time. Remember to look at all things and the success you have big and small.
big hugs xxxx

big hugs to you Kristy, that took bravey to write this, and I am sure your honest words have helped someone else out there admit that they are “not ok”, you will get there hon, sending you a big hug in the meantime xx

I remember clearly being diagnosed with post natal depression with my third child and sitting in the Doctor’s office thinking ” but I love my kids? I wouldn’t harm them”
oh how uneducated was I on what depression actually was, Thankfully my doctor and maternity nurses saw and heard the signs.

As years rolled on and so did life that post natal depression became manic depression and so my cycle of psychologist, psychiatrist and medications began. There is no quick fix but it is all worth it in the end

I am where you say you are frequently. It is scary, terrifying in fact. After my ex left me when my youngest was 5mths old I thought my life was over. I had no job, no where to live, no stable income and dreaded the thought of my children coming from a broken home. I struggled for a long time with the idea of being a single mum but what I have learned is that I am actually a better mother now. I still beat myself up way too much but I have learnt that I am not alone in that and I have also learnt that it makes me human.
You are not shit, you are valuable, you are human!

Love you Kirsty! Your honesty makes it so much easier for everyone else xxx Fi

I put “i’m fine” right up there with “i’m ok”. Thanks for being so brave and honest Kristy. Xxxx

My thoughts are with you Kristy. It’s a hard journey, but know that you’re not doing it alone. You are strong and I admire you for being so honest with your heart. Hopefully the light will shine for you soon.

Honey I’m here if you need anything at all xx

Hey Kristy, very brave of you to post this. I have had depression since highschool hun (tho didn’t figure this all out till much later) and like you I am that upbeat, functioning, happy girl. If ever you want to talk to someone who understands where you are at the moment, I am always free for a coffee. I am launching my own blog about my depression next week called “Mummy in Disguise”. Last year when I started my gluten free blog I rushed in and it wasn’t the right time or topic, but this time round, I am prepared – fresh out of my latest spiral down! Chin up, and keep talking. It has taken me a LONG time to talk and now that I am, I feel like I have a fighting chance of beating this demon. much love xoxoxoxoxo

I stand up and applaud you for writing this. It must have been hard Kristy. You are such an upbeat kinda girl IRL that I’m sure it does surprise people. So glad you were brave enough to go to the Drs rather than struggle along alone. Yay you!!!!

Thanks sweetheart! x

So true darlin. Depression is not something we “choose” to feel.. X good on you! X

Yep, Tomorrow is a new day! and thank god for that.. we are blessed everyday the sun rises.. X

Thanks so much my beautiful friend. Such kind beautiful words.. Let’s do it together!

I know you are my sweetheart! X

Ohhh Thanks Deb! – you’re beautiful! the light will be back, I just know it!

Yep, I’m afraid we all tend to say “i’m Ok” way to much… xx

Thanks so much Fi. Love you too!

Thanks so much Jen! – I appreciate your honesty.. Very refreshing!

Yep, It’s always worth it in the end.. Thanks Danielle! X

Thank you beautiful! – You’re such a kind, beautiful soul – Thanks so much! X

I will take care and I hope you do too – Together is better than alone huh!

Ohhhhhhh. My most FAVOURITE comment of all.. My Big sister! – Thank You so much.. I love you with all of my heart!

Ohhhh Donna, What beautiful, insightful advice thank you so much I much prefer natural to synthetic – Thanks XX

YAY! – Go us! – let’s do it together darlin! XX

Yes, it is but light does seem to filter though.. It will be ok. I will be ok! X

Yes, the destination certainly isn’t the best one. But professional help is ALWAYS the best. Thanks Love X

I know exactly what you mean. This was me 6 months ago. Depression doesn’t necessarily equal sad. Hope you figure out what needs to happen soon.

I suffers from depression/anxiety. Hugs to you

My hugs to you. You are one of the most inspirational people I know. Your bravery never ceases to astonish me. Firstly you are brave for owning up to yourself and admitting that you are NOT ok and that you need help. That is a big step and takes major guts right there. Then to actually go to the doctor and seek help. A lot of people put that off and don’t even get to that step. But you did. And that is brave. But you have also taken the huge step of sharing this with the world because you know that there are others out there, suffering in silence just like you. Just by sharing you are helping so many people, just like you, gather up the courage to do the same. You are such a special person – and you are a wonderful mother – and friend – and you amaze and inspire me day in and day out. I am proud to know you and I love you heaps! xx

Kristy I think…(and I know I am not alone here!!!) That you are an amazing strong woman, and you are NOT I repeat NOT a “Shit mum!” I dont “know” you but you write “I love my children with all my heart…..” a Shit Mum..couldnt care less about them and wouldnt even question herself as to if she could poss be one!!…..So therefore you can rest assured you are the best kind..you are checking in with your self all the time to question this…..You care…..I am on round 2 of PND……Its crap…sought help first time and was put on drugs that were awful….stopped and took matters into my own hands and went back to work just 2 nights a weeks bar work (never done it before!! was a Pre-school teacher for 13 yrs) but really helped…i got out of the house got to chat with regulars (ADULTS….well kinda!) who were friends of ours and felt like an escape…..now I have 2 its still an escape but getting ready and kids sorted etc bottles made before I go feels like i am busting my ass!! Combined with teething, no sleep, clingy baby bad tempered 3 and a half yr old with probs at pre-school I feel crap again….not sure what will work for me this time…. Still wracking my brains!!!! Well done you for seeking help and writing this!! Its a long journey and sometimes the only person that can help you is you! Lots of love and Good luck xxxxx

I have been there and am so proud and happy to say that I have come out the other end.
It was not easy but I tell you, the absolute first and most important step is admitting that something isn’t right and wanting to do something about it so good on you!
I combined counselling and medication for 3 years and I am now a big fan of cognitive behaviour therapy. Look it up and give it a go.
Also, there is a fantastic book called black dog and my husband really enjoyed the other one called living with a black dog.
So proud of you for taking the big honest leap.
You have an army of support and I wish you the very best.
You are a fantastic person and I have received so much joy from your work!
Best wishes.

I wish they could come up with another word for this illness. When you say depression, most people think of it as if you’re having a bad hair day and not feeling too positive for a bit. Many don’t – and cannot relate the word to the black pit of despair that you can feel. It was only when I showed people my arms from cutting myself that they realised how serious my depression was – more than just a bad hair day. After a year or so of therapy, a couple of years on medication and amazing support from my husband who struggled with how he wanted “fix it” but couldn’t – and truly amazing friends, I am proud to say I am a healthier person. Good luck with your journey TIM and to every other person out there struggling. xxx

I have been fighting depression for about 13 years now or possibly more, I was ‘officially’ diagnosed at 16. I think it is a very misunderstood disease, one that can swallow you up in a big black cloud of smoke and suffocate you until you feel you can barely breathe. For me in the past it has felt like I’m drowning, like I’ve got a massive boulder tied to my ankle and it’s dragging me to the bottom of the ocean, getting darker and darker until I can no longer see any light. The self hatred that goes along with it is something I can completely empathise with, when I’m going through my dark moments a ‘failure’ is all I see. The silver lining (if there is one) of battling for so long is I can now recognise when I falling into that pit again and have worked out a few strategies that help. I take St John’s Wart (not a fan of anti D’s), I type up affirmations (I am good enough, I am not a failure, I am Strong etc..) and stick them in various places like on the bathroom mirror/kettle/fridge & when I see them I repeat them out loud with conviction – the power of the mind is an amazing thing, I meditate, when I start feeling anxious and my chest feels tight I stop & breathe – 5 deep breaths in and out with my eyes closed, I dance with my kids and try shake it all out but most of all I remind myself that there is an impermanence to everything, whatever the thought/feeling/situation it will pass & if I’m strong enough to make it through each one I come out a better/stronger person each time & eventually I am ok again

So wonderful and brave for you to share you story, you have so much love and support behind you and YES you WILL be ok

xxx

Well done you for sharing! You’ve done the best thing you could ever do for yourself this will help so many others too!

Thank you so much for having the courage to share this and good on you for asking for help. I was in the exact same place last year and suffered in silence for a long time until someone recognised I had a problem and helped me to talk about it. Not everyone is as fortunate as I was and so many people continue to suffer through depression by themselves all the while convincing themselves that they are ugly, no good, shit at everything and that nobody likes them. If anyone ever feels like this I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk about it and ask for help. I also want to say if anyone ever has someone come to them for help about this stuff please be supportive and not judgmental. This person is not weak or crazy or a whinger, they just need help to pull themselves out of this hole. Don’t be scared or put off or ignore them because this will probably do more damage than you realise, just give them a hug, tell them it’s going to be ok and encourage them to seek professional help if you can’t handle it on your own. Sometimes all you need is to say these things out loud to someone else and it loses it’s hold over you. Sharing the burden will lighten your load so much and you might just find someone else has had that same experience. It’s amazing the amount of people that could relate to me once I started talking about how I felt. We’re all in this together and it’s time we started supporting each other instead of pretending we’ve got it all under control, because I’ll tell you a secret…nobody has it all worked out we’re all learning as we go and we can all learn from each other. Thank for sharing Kristy, you will be in my prayers xo

Thanks for being so brave and sharing from the heart. I haven’t actually experienced this myself but my daughter has just been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The journey of dealing with these issues is often a rocky one but I applaud your positive attitude and determination to climb the mountain!

Thanks so much Caz.. I really appreciate your beautiful words. X

Thanks love. Sending love to your little one! X

Yep, we are all in this together.. No more pretending YEP! i’m all for that! X

Thanks Jodi, Yes I’m hoping it will!

Ohhh Simone, I love all of the things you do! – Awesome. Thanks I will use some of those techniques too! X

Ohhh Cynthia I would have to agree, I don’t particularly like that word either..

I am so happy that your life is now on track! X

Ohhh Thank You Katie.. I will look those books up! Your last sentence made me smile! X

Thanks so much Linda, Very beautiful words. We will tackle this together.. I have started to make some changes. I know I will get through. And you will too! X

Ohhh Michelle! Beautiful words – Thanks so much – Very lovely of you to say! XX

Hugs back to you Lisa! X

Yes, I remember you going through this.. I’m glad your out the other side! X

You story was like your where writing my thoughts in head. I too have been suffering from anxiety and stress for many years now. This is a little bit of my story… I had things under control however recently I was on my own with my kids for 7 months and it went down hill again. My partner is home now and things are good. But I fear when he goes back to work it will all come back. I always ask myself why can’t you just be happy??? I have 2 children to a separate relationship and with this comes a lot of worry and fears. I also have a youngest to my new partner. I want you to know you are not alone. Thinking of you always and sending lots of love. I know you have so many amazing friends and family. However if you need anything I am here. A friend from school Danielle Mwah

Thanks Danielle. That is such a lovely message! – I really appreciate you reaching out. I will certainly contact you if i need too. Thanks and sending you love too! X

I remember a time when I felt like a shit everything also.
But of course I wasn’t really trying to make myself better either.
I hated looking in the mirror, and I felt like my face was melting every time I did. Sometimes it was hard to just take showers. And my house was becoming like a hoarders house…piles of shit stacked up everywhere. I sat down one day and wrote everything out that I wanted to accomplish. Even down to planting a garden, some volunteer work…etc. I wrote out a schedule of how I would lead my day…(eat, shower, clean, read) — And eventually after doing this over and adding things, and taking that away which I had made a habit of things really started looking up. I stopped analyzing myself about everything, and instead DID things. I started becoming more selfless…
Selfless in the relationship, with my kids, with friends/family…and even with strangers. By focusing on others, I dealt with my own…because I felt good about what I did. I felt happy and fulfilled. I actually REALLY enjoy doing things for other people. But of course we have to know our limits. If our help becomes expected rather than appreciated stand up, and say no. Tough love is love.
I based my life around TRUTH/LOVE. I focused on God, and purpose. And eventually my whole perspective on EVERYTHING changed. Everything fixed itself. I got more motivated, more active…my energy grew (because before I had NO ENERGY) Today I stand where I stand and I am happy. I feel good, about everything. I am content with what I have…my love life/family life/social life is perfect. — I rejoice everyday. I am thankful for everything. And I am so gosh darn happy. Its hard to explain the past. There was a lot of disappointment. Mostly I was disappointed in myself for letting so many people down and I walked around with that guilt. I realize today…That was yesterday, everyday is a new day. To leave the past in the past, and only return to analyze, learn, grow…and remember the great memories we have had. — We can turn our lives around at ANY moment. But we just have to do it. And we have to love ourselves, because we are we…and this is who we are. This is our life, and its all we got…Take care of ourselves. Love is number 1. Health is number 2. Purpose is number 3. and 4…repeat. I remember the endless repeating in my head…and the reminders of all the shit laying around everywhere. Its like the external reflected the internal, and IT DOES. That is very true. Clean up the mind, and everything outside of yourself will clean itself up also. (Or visa versa) clutter, clutters the mind. Meditate on what you need to do. MAKE yourself do what you know you need to do. And take pleasure in it. Take pleasure in everything. Do right, treat yourself with the love and respect you treat others also. I WAS a shit mom. I thought real shitty about everyone and myself. I treated people like shit. My house was shit. My life was shit. — I admit that. But the day I said…enough is enough. And took intentional action, it was no longer an uphill battle…in fact it was downhill, and EVERYTHING got better…easier, and done faster. Now I am thankful. And I love myself. I feel good when I look in the mirror, and satisfied at the end of my day. I pray everyone could feel this way. Complete. Best of luck to ya. To everyone. We all deserve to be loved, to be happy, and satisfied. Especially when it is all RIGHT THERE. WE just need to see it.

WOW Jamey, love, love, love what you wrote! – Thank you sooooo much I will certainly put some of those points into action.

Thank you again beautiful! X

Oh SWEETHEART. I so so relate to this .. and bloody hell, I suspect a lot of other people do too. Why? Why are we all so very hard on ourselves? It bloody sucks. It’s like, I don’t just think I’m a shit person, I KNOW I am. Which of course the sane part of my brain refutes, yet still.

I’m so glad you went and saw your doc. Admitting something is wrong .. is honestly half the battle. Swear to god. Love love love to you. HEAPS.

eden xxxxxxxx

Very Welcome!

Good for you….Sometime i think we all need a little help…..but also stay possitive you a a good mum and are doing the best with what you know now!

Kristy, well done for admitting to yourself, seeking help (from your GP), and ‘talking’. You have made the most important steps. I also suffer, as it seems so many do. Whilst I am on anti D’s, I have found that talking to those who are prepared to listen, understand, and possibly feel the same seems to help the most. Unfortunately I don’t help myself enough…so easy to get into ruts and rely on drugs. I’d be keen to hear about the Vitamin C, Zinc, St John’s Wart options if anybody wants to elaborate… In the meantime, look after yourself and remember, you aren’t the only one suffering. This is an insidious and far reaching disease that can strike anybody…especially the gorgeous and wonderful mums!!! Take care and keep reaching out.

This is exactly how I have felt for a long time now my gorgeous girl x